Put Me in Jail Please

FLuffee

Welcome to our first Smosh Pit post from FLuffee. Check back every Monday afternoon for something from him!

Recently a 46 year-old man in Florida named Paul Brian Clutts called 911 and told police that he had hit his own house with his car. The police arrived at his home to find that there was no damage and that Paul was nowhere to be found.

You may be wondering why someone would call the police and lie about something like this. Well, he had a perfectly good reason--he wanted to join his girlfriend in jail. OK, so it wasn't a good reason at all. I guess he didn't really think this through, because, first of all, women and men don't go to the same jail. So that's just dumb. And, second of all, you wouldn't get a jail sentence for running your car into your own house. The only thing you get from running into your own house is embarrassment.

This is what the house might have looked like if he'd actually hit it.

His efforts to go to jail didn't stop there, he later went to the police station and told police the reason he called 911 was because his cat attacked him. Sorry to burst your bubble again, Paul, but the cat would have more of a chance to be put in jail than you. He eventually admitted to police that the reason he was there was because he wanted to join his girlfriend in jail, and then he added on top of that, that there was going to be a shootout in the neighborhood. That finally got him put in jail.

Suggested defense against cat attack.

Well...good for him? I guess the third time's the charm, or maybe the police just got tired of listening to his ridiculous stories and decided jail was probably not a bad idea after all. Oh and in case you were wondering, he didn't get to go to the same jail as his girlfriend, but really, who didn't see that one coming?

Sweet 'stache, bro.

This guy must have been on some sort of drug. Either that or he is just really, really stupid. Because anybody in their right mind should be able to figure out a way to get put in jail.

So for anyone who thinks they might want to go to jail I have developed a foolproof plan: What you want to do is go into a police station find a cop, walk up to him and open palm slap him in the face! Now, I'm not saying this is a good idea but if you're the kind of person who wants to go to jail, it's only a bitch-slap away.