8 Big Reasons Not to Celebrate St. Patrick's Day

Smosh

8. You are a Jew

Holidays that begin with ”Saint” are ignored by Jews unless they are excused from work or school.

7. Public Urination

Some people are not comfortable seeing other people urinate on the street in broad daylight and are even less comfortable doing so themselves.

6. Achondroplasiaphobia

Fear of little people, especially leprechauns. They are wee little demons, I tell ye.

5. You Are African-American

Even Black Irish people are not actually black.

4. The IRA

Lots of Irish people running around s&*t-faced in public reeks of collaboration with the nasty Brits.

3. No Big Balloons or Floats in Parade.

Marching drunken pipers and policemen does not constitute a parade.

If the balloon people and the float people refuse to participate, then why should you?

2. Too Young to Drink

Anyone under drinking age, which is 11 for the Irish, we think, are not impressed by a holiday where you get pinched for not wearing a certain color.

What fun is that?

1. St. Patrick Himself

His record is spotty and he hated snakes.

'Nuff said.