This story is provided as a public service to those that have yet to gain this important knowledge.
Some of us are old enough to have learned these lessons already. But believe us when we tell you that you don’t want to find these things out the hard way. So take the easy way out and stay away from any situation that appears to resemble anything contained in this article.
Trust us.
Witch's House
This is a witch’s house. It is not made of candy and there is nothing inside that you will like. If you do go in, the witch will cook you in her ample oven and eat you.
Principal's Office
This is the principal. He is in his office. He is not your friend -- even if he does act all cool and junk. You do not want to go in his office. If you are sent there and cannot talk your way out of it, there is a pretty good chance he will take a paddle to your bottom.
Goblin's Underpass
This place is called Goblin’s Underpass. You do not want to go anywhere near any thing called an underpass or any place with “goblin” in its name.
We are not even sure what goblins are, but we think there were some in The Lord of the Rings. They were mean and ugly. If you must travel through, the goblins will probably kill you and do something really messed up with your entrails.
Porta-Pottie
These are porta-potties. This woman has just taken a huge dump in one of them. It is our opinion that all porta-potties should be avoided but especially the one that she has just vacated.
If you have to go really bad and it's the only one available and you actually enter, you will probably suffocate. If you do survive this assault on your senses, it will stay with you for the rest of your life.
Van Offering Candy
This is a van with a sign offering free candy. Vans are no good. Especially vans with no windows. Truth be told, there actually probably is some free candy inside.
But, there is also someone dangerous cruising around in this truck. He likes kids...but not in a good or legal way and he is not cute like Pedobear. If you want the candy so much that you can’t resist, you will end up living in a tent in this creep’s yard for the next 8 or 10 years.
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