10 People You Don't Want At Your Pool Party

Editor

The Incontinent

Incontinent means "cannot control their peeing" and this pretty much applies to anyone very old or very young. They will pee in the pool and you will not know, and you will keep swimming. You will be swimming in their pee.

The Hoff

David hasselhoff is not a real lifeguard and therefore, there is no good reason to have him over. If he crashes, he will drink all your liquor and then try to eat a cheeseburger or something off the ground. After that he may start singing or something. Bad deal.

The Grossly Obese

First you do not want to look at these people in their swimsuits. Second they love to do cannonballs and shout "cannonball" when they do them. This will displace a lot of the water in your pool and your party will be over sooner than you would like. They will also eat all the barbeque which is a total downer.

Marco Polo

This guy is a total drag. He gets in the pool and shuts his eyes and swims around calling "Marco", "Marco", "Marco". He hopes you will answer "Polo". Don't! He will never stop. Don't invite him. He is a total tool.

James Cameron

Seems like a cool dude, right? Wrong! This is the dude that made Titanic. He has sent expeditions to the bottom of the sea and thinks he is some sort of underwater expert. He even thinks he knows how to fix the oil leak in the gulf. God knows you don't want him anywhere near your pool. He will toy with the filter, explore the drain, become convinced there is something alive down there and who knows what else. Cameron = Big Mistake.

Goths

You don't want goths at your pool party for all the reasons you don't want them at your regular party. Furthermore, it is unlikely they swim and if they do, they will mess up your pool with make-up running off their faces and all that crap they use in their hair. Nuf said.

Ostrogoths

Just kidding! We love Ostrogoths!

Albinos

Albinos are good people probably, but they don't do well in the sun and no amount of zinc oxide is going to change that. If you let them come by, they will burn and by burn, we mean 2nd or 3rd degree. You will have to leave your own party and take them to the hospital. Invite them over to watch a pay per view UFC event or something, not to the pool party.

Michael Phelps

Phelps will smoke all the weed, not that you would have weed but if you did, we're just saying. After that he would get in the pool and start doing the freestyle or the butterfly and try to impress all the ladies, which he would 'cause he won a bunch of gold medals for swimming and that is better than ANYTHING you can do. You will look like a loser at your own affair.

The Japanese

Japanese people never swim alone. They will bring their friends. And they have a lot of friends. Their idea of swimming is different from ours. It is more like getting wet. Watch this and see what we mean.