1. Elvis Presley
Elvis’s rock ’n’ roll lifestyle led him to becoming addicted all kinds of pills and prescription drugs. He died while sitting on the toilet at age 42. I don’t know about you but keeling over while taking a number two sounds pretty unrocking to us.
2. Fergie from The Black Eyed Peas
Speaking of bathroom malfunctions, lead vocalist Fergie from The Black Eyed Peas, um, well, peed herself on stage at a show in San Diego, California. If you can’t bust your dance moves without needing an adult diaper you might be better off staying at home.
3. Chris Martin from Coldplay
Sure his band Coldplay has had a lot of hits but these days band frontman Chris Martin, spends more time hanging out with his (boring) wife Gwenyth Paltrow and his two (boring) kids, one of whom is named “Apple.” Look at the poor guy in this photo above – lame hat, lame bandana, and graying beard. Even the fact that his wife is wearing a see-through shirt is negated by the fact that she’s holding one of their children who is clearly embarrassed by this fact. Completely un-rock ‘n’ roll.
4. Johnny Rotten from The Sex Pistols
Ex-frontman for the groundbreaking punk rock bands The Sex Pistols and Public Image Ltd. Johnny Rotten (AKA John Lydon) used up any of the punk rock street cred he had left when he appeared on the Judge Judy show in 1997. He won the lawsuit against a former drummer seeking cash, but also proved that he was about as cool as the house mom seeking damages for a bad perm job whose case was heard right before his.
5. Tupac Shakur
Rapper Tupac Shakur was at the height of his fame in September of 1996 when he was gunned down while riding in a car owned by notorious record producer Suge Knight on the Las Vegas strip. Wooo partay!
6. Amy Winehouse
Her parents tried to make her go to rehab and she said, "No, no, no." But in January 2008 the cracked out singer changed her mind and said, "Yes, yes, yes." It didn't, "work, work, work."
7. Keith Richards from The Rolling Stones
Whether you know him from playing Captain Jack Sparrow’s father in third installment of the Pirates Of The Caribbean movie or as the lead guitarist for the Rolling Stones, one thing is certain – Keith Richads looks awful. If forty years of booze, cigarettes and partying leave you looking like this, we think you might be better off going vegetarian and maybe joining an early morning spin class at your gym.
8. Courtney Love
See Keith Richards above and subtract the musical talent and forty years playing for The Stones.
9. Jerry Lee Lewis
He’s the 1950’s crooner famous for his hit “Great Balls Of Fire.” He’s equally famous for marrying his cousin, Myra, when she was only 13-years-old. It doesn’t matter how many gold records or sold out concerts you have when you celebrate both of these things cruising family reunions in creepy pedo van and asking out blood relatives on dates.
10. Vince Neil
Motley Crue lead singer Vince Neil has seen his fair share of partying over the years. However, it all almost came to an end in 1984 when he crashed his sports car while driving drunk on the way to a liquor store to get MORE booze. His passenger and best friend Nicholas “Razzle” Dingley was killed in the crash, and Neil served jail time and had to pay $2.3 million in restitution to the families of his victims. Sounds like fun, right?
11. Bret Micheals
Not to be confused with Vince Neil, although it appears they share the same weave. Michaels has recently suffered a myriad of medical problems. Apparently partying non-stop with sleazy reality show vixens takes more out of you than previously thought.
12. The Guys from Nickelback
You do not, repeat do not, want to party like the band Nickelback. Because whatever you do, no matter how astoundingly awesome it may be, you’ll still be the guys from Nickelback. Even the dudes from Creed make fun of these douche nozzles.
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