13 Rules for Lindsay Lohan to Live By

Smosh

So Lindsay Lohan's alcohol monitoring SCRAM bracelet went off on Sunday.

WARNING BOOZE DETECTED IN SYSTEM!

This prompted the judge to hold a surprise hearing on Monday. Surprise Lindsay, you're going to jail! Your bond has been forfeited and there is a bench warrant for your arrest! New bail to be set at $200,000.

Lindsay might want to adopt the following rules if she wants to stay out of slammer...and live a normal life!

1. When you are lucky enough to be born looking like this, take care of yourself. Or else...

2. Don’t act all crazy and s*** anymore.

3. Don’t go to the Trousdale Lounge. You are banned for throwing a drink at your ex-girlfriend's head. You will be turned away.

4. Don’t drink and drive.

5. Get a designated driver when you drink.

6. Don’t mess with the Beverly Hills police. They know who you are!

7. Don’t have photos taken of you partying publicly on a yacht in Cannes, France when you are supposed to be in court.

8. Show up to your appointment with the judge. Especially don't make the judge change her vacation plans to work around your party schedule.

9. Don’t lie and say you lost your passport. No one will believe you.

10. Don’t beg your friends for use of their private jet to get to your hearing. To the extent that you have any friends, they will say no.

11. Don't remove your court-ordered alcohol monitoring bracelet.

12. Don't drink booze when you're wearing an alcohol SCRAM bracelet or you're going to really piss off the judge!

13. Follow rules 1-12 or you will be wearing this outfit for realz.

Oops. Too Late!

See Don't Drink and Dance!