Since its launch last month, Apple’s iPhone 4 has been plagued with accusations of poor signal quality if held by the lower left corner of the device.
Apple CEO Steve Jobs even came out and told customers, “just don’t hold the phone that way.”
Consumer Reports has panned the device and has suggested that iPhone owners fix the defect with duct tape.
Here are some suggestions of even better methods for improving the alleged iPhone reception glitch:
1. Tin Foil Hat
Block deadly gamma rays from outer space and dangerous CIA mind-control beams, while at the same time ensuring that you never miss or drop a call.
2. Air-Conditioning Duct
If a little piece of duct tape fixes the problem then why not put your iPhone inside the object that duct tape was created for in the first place. With this baby wrapped around your iPhone you’ll probably be able to make calls from the bottom of South Africa’s TauTona mineshaft, the worlds deepest (2.4 miles).
3. Call Near Those Fake Tree Cell Phone Tower Thingies
Quit being such a baby and trying to make calls wherever you want. Try being less selfish, and only make phone calls within visual distance of cell phone towers.
4. Suit Of Armor
Don’t take any guff from your iPhone, get medieval on its a**. Start wearing a suit of armor. Who cares if your finger covers the phone’s antenna – You ARE an antenna!!!
5. Talk To Your Friends In Person
Do you really need to pay $150 a month just be able to tell your best friend that you’ve got a crush on the guy who sits in front of you in English? Tell them in person, and save yourself nearly $2,000 a year.
6. Use Your Own Satellite
Why not work hard, study in school and grow up to own your very own telecommunications company? Then you could have your own private astronauts install a satellite that orbits you in space so you’ll never miss a call again.
7. Build A Time Machine
Build a time machine so you can send yourself into the future to the year 2012 when the iPhone 5 comes out and the phone’s current design flaw has been repaired.
8. Go DIY
Just grab a tin can and some string, and use this old-fashioned steampunk solution. It was good enough for your Great Grandpa in World War I, so it should be good enough for you, too.
9. Use A Landline
Speaking of old-timey solutions, why not just make your calls from a landline? Then you can save your iPhone’s batteries for important things like playing games and using the Fart Machine app.
10. The Official Smosh Portable Personal Communications Dish
The ultimate solution to any cell phone, television or transistor radio reception problem. Completely 100% portable. Take it to the movies, take it to the mall or take it to the beach. The Smosh Portable Personal Communications Dish goes where you go.
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