This summer is turning out to be a real scorcher. Temperatures all over the country have topped the triple digits for the past two weeks straight... and it promises to get much hotter in the months to come.
Here are the top ten ways to stay cool as a cucumber this summer.
1. Change Your Routine
Experts say to try to participate in strenuous aerobic activity like running or jogging at night when it’s cooler outside. Also, no one can see how silly you look jogging at night. Plus, if you are run over by a car or killed by a murderer you’ll be much cool because ghosts rarely get dehydrated.
2. Wear Loose Fitting Clothes
Basically wear whatever the opposite of what this guy is wearing and you should be fine.
3. Buy An Inexpensive Inflatable Pool
But try to buy one that isn’t already filled with child urine like the one in this picture. Filling an empty one with your own is half the fun of getting a new pool.
Also, don’t buy a pool filled with tigers. They will eat you and you will die.
4. Visit The Mall
Doctors recommend visiting air-conditioned public places like the small. While you’re there don’t forget to stop and get a sweet glamour shot to commemorate the day.
5. Don't Eat Spicy Foods
But remember that spicy food burns twice, and the second time is usually the next day on the toilet.
6. Drink Lots Of Water
But don’t drink an entire creek, leave some for the animals.
7. Avoid Drinking Alcohol
And especially don’t drink four alcoholic beverages at once. Unless your plan is to make your liver explode and cool yourself with the flying chunks of your own organs and flesh.
8. Go On A Trip
Go on a fancy snowboarding trip to Southern Hemisphere where it’s currently the middle of winter.
Or, if you’re not rich, find a friend with a pool and practice skateboarding underwater.
9. Improvise
Don’t crack open a fire hydrant like they do in old timey movies. Doing so wastes valuable water and will probably land you in hot water with the police.
Try a squirt gun fight instead.
If you can’t afford an $80 laser scoped Super Soaker...
...a large bucket or trash can will always do the trick.
10. Think Cool Thoughts
And, finally, experts say that a lot of getting overheated has to do with your mental attitude. So, think cool thoughts. Think about Fonzi. Because what’s cooler than a 35-year-old man who hangs out in high school bathrooms in a leather jacket. Right?
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