The Vikings! Berserk barbarians of the north, in their horny helmets, pillaging the cities of northern Europe for centuries; sailing the seas in search of victims; letting nothing stand in the way of their goal of...well, pillaging mostly.
We all remember the names of legendary Vikings from the past; Thor; Leif Ericsson; even “The Great Ginger” Erik the Red. Unforgettable men, now long since forgotten to time.
And while the empire of the Vikings may have collapsed centuries ago, leaving IKEA as the only proof they ever existed...
…the Viking himself lives on in the genes of people we all know today.
So let us meet some of these “Vikings Among Us.”
1. NBA All-Star Dirk Nowitzki
Blonde eyebrows, inexplicable Caucasian athletic ability, the red-faced fits of rage over bad calls, clearly Dirk Nowitski would have been just as at home marauding the hardwood forests of ancient Europe with his Viking ancestors, as he seems to be when he’s flopping onto the hardwood of NBA basketball courts.
Dirk is one of the more obvious examples of Viking DNA rearing its ugly head in modern society.
2. Lindsay Lohan
Lest we forget the Viking woman! With a total lack of respect for authority, dancing like a pagan around a fire, and completely unashamed of showing her fire…(ahem) Lindsay Lohan would have melted Iceland, or at the very least, snorted most of it. If there were ever a film about Viking women, Lindsay should be granted parole to star in the leading role.
3. Brett Favre
A warrior on the football field; ageless; no sense of loyalty whatsoever; Brett Favre would stab the entire population of Green Bay, Wisconsin in the back with a battle-axe if it meant another shot at the Super Bowl. If you think his signing with a certain Nordically themed team in Minnesota is a coincidence, think again, and don’t let the French name fool you Brett Favre is Thor reincarnate.
4. Dolph Lungren
Better known as Ivan Drago, Soviet arch nemesis of Rocky in Rocky IV, Dolph Lungren is a perfect storm of Viking perfection. 6’5” and 250lbs of raw muscle, he could have launched an attack on the peasants Northern Europe by himself. Instead, he used his powers to become a B-level actor and foolishly kill Rocky’s BFF, Apollo Creed in the ring…and for that Rocky had to punish him and his acting career.
5. Jonah Hill
While physically unimposing as far as Vikings go, Jonah Hill clearly has a berserker side to him, an impotent rage that shows itself in the way he ravages his own physique. As history shows, when a Viking is left to his own devices, without conquest and challenges, his focus turns to gluttony and self-destruction. Jonah Hill has pillaged many a convenience store leaving a trail of destruction and Doritos in his wake.
Have you spotted a modern day Viking?
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