Dear Space Creatures,
I pen this missive in the case that I am ever abducted. I do not wish to infringe on your rights to abduct humans, I only wish to set down a few ground rules.
1. No Probing Of Any Kind!
I believe this is pretty self explanatory.
2. Call First
If you feel the need to abduct me, call first. I will go willingly but I don’t want to be scared by a late night visit. Any time after 10 am till let’s say 7 pm.
3. Provide An In Flight Meal
If you abduct me before dinner you have to feed me. Not to be cheap but if you can afford a cool space ship you can afford quarter pounder with cheese (extra pickles please).
4. Treat My Ailments
If you are going to do some medical experiments on me I ask that you treat a few ailments that I have (bad knee, lower back pain and the like).
5. No Over Nighters!
I need at least 8 hours of sleep or I’m grumpy the next day.
6. No Alien/Human Breeding Scenarios
I don’t need to explain to the wife that part of my check goes to support some kid on the Androm13 home planet.
7. Make It Worth My Time
The only thing that I ask in exchange for participating in your experiments is that I leave with a super power of some kind.
As long as you heed these rules I’m ok with the abduction.
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