Normally I love science for giving us things like lunchables and internet, but once in a while, science goes TOO FAR. For example, this week I learned that the Triceratops, easily one of the best dinosaurs... didn’t exist. This means that “The Land Before Time” is NOT based on a true story.
Scientists now believe that Triceratops was just a younger version of another dinosaur called Torosaurus. So we’ve all grown up liking stupid Torosaurus. Science FAIL. Finding out triceratops is fake is like finding out the mall Santa isn’t real (he’s just a helper), or that Pluto isn’t really a planet.
Using what I remember from 7th grade biology, I’ve run some experiments, and I’ve uncovered the widely-held scientific beliefs those jerk scientists are going to challenge next.
Types Of Rock
In addition to the three main types of rock - Igneous, Sedimentary, and Metamorphic – they’ll discover a fourth, trendier type of rock: the Indie rock. It’s pretty obscure, so you’ve probably never heard of it.
Bats
Bats aren’t nocturnal because their food source is active at night. Bats are nocturnal because during the day they sparkle and get chased by teenage girls.
Theory Of Evolution
Although Charles Darwin came up with the theory of evolution while studying birds from the Galapagos islands, he didn’t tell anyone until he saw a Pikachu evolve into a Raichu. Darwin knew then his theory was super effective.
Extinction Of The Dinosaurs
Dinosaurs were not driven to extinction because of a meteor; the dinosaurs killed themselves because they were sad.
Carrots
They say that carrots are good for your eyes. This turns out to be true, but only when you jam them right in there.
Platypus
The platypus actually doesn’t lay eggs, but instead just picks them up at Albertsons.
T-Rex
T-Rex actually had big, beefy arms.
Big Bang Theory
The universe was not created in a single “big bang,” but instead was created in a series of smaller bangs that ganged up. Scientists are now searching for a better name for this new “gang bang” theory.
The Largest Mammal
Blue Whales are not the world’s largest mammal. The world’s largest mammal is actually your mom. OH SNAP!
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