Real dudes are cool and all, but there are some cartoon dudes that I would totally date if only I could...
1. Milhouse Van Houten – “The Simpsons”
I see Milhouse for the intellectual powerhouse that he is... the underdog that will surely put Springfield on the map through his future accomplishments (that is if Homer J. hasn’t accidentally burned the place down to a crisp by then).
Our date would consist of the kind of puppy love reserved within the confines of grade school, and I would gladly pass him his inhaler and tolerate his nerdisms if for just one night.
2. Trent Lane – “Daria”
Albeit from a good 10 years ago, the everlasting studliness of Trent, brother to Daria Morgendorfer’s best friend Jane on the MTV animated show, “Daria” still burns. He was cool in ways that no singular person should possess: lead singer in a rocking band and indifferent about his coolness; such a combination should be outlawed.
Our date would most likely consist of going to a concert. Upon arrival I would quickly discover that he took me to his own concert, but just a half-smile from him would make my standing off to the side for several hours while he rocks it out onstage worthwhile.
3. Norville ‘Shaggy’ Rogers – “Scooby Doo”
I get it, you thought I would pick Fred. All signs point to every girl in the world’s picking of Fred when it comes to cartoon hotness. He’s a snappy dresser, an articulate teenager, and always keeps his cool in the most dire and absurd of situations. However, Shaggy seems like the kind of guy that you could just relax with and hang. out.
Our date would mainly consist of various visits to fast food joints, talking about how scary ghosts are and how much he misses Scooby, when they’ve only been apart for a handful of hours.
4. Andy – “Toy Story 3”
Did anybody else see Andy turning into a freshman dreamboat in ‘Toy Story 3’? Oh, you didn’t? Well, take another look at that film because I’m telling you – da-ream boat. The one thing that stands out about Andy in his cartoon studliness is that he somehow blossomed into the world’s most sensitive college freshman. Who else would want to take his childhood toys with him in his dorm as a reminder of his meaningful and fun-filled childhood? I can’t think of any guys in my dorm that would even reference life before age 16 let alone flaunt it next to their Radiohead posters.
Our date would consist of eating at the school cafeteria (because in this scenario, I’m a fellow student of his) and talking about our childhoods. Simple and sweet.
5. Ron Stoppable – “Kim Possible”
There’s something about the kind of guys that aren’t afraid to get flustered that somehow gets me. There’s a quality within that, a strong sense of humility and self-awareness that makes characters like Ron Stoppable stronger despite his weaknesses. Ron, Kim’s sidekick on the show was a wizard with technology, but he was also the comic relief of the animated spy kids program, and that’s exactly why I adore him.
Our date would consist of going to the movies, using different spy-like equipment to ensure the best possible seat in the theater and when an incredibly tall couple sits in front of us he’d pull out some magical thing-a-ma-bob from his spy tool belt and we’d somehow have the problem fixed. Don’t ask me how or why, it would just be magical.
6. Mr. Incredible – “The Incredibles”
Don’t hate – I’m talking about young Mr. Incredible. Dashing, debonair, pre-wrinkly face and pre-Father to two Mr. Incredible. Had to clarify that before you assumed I was into reverse robbing-the-cradle. Mr. Incredible is everything his name promises, incredible. He’s got a winning smile, a talent for being the best superhero within his world, and a smugness that is completely justified.
Our date would consist of flying (literally flying – me trailing on his back) to Paris for a romantic dinner, and then back to my house before it was improperly too late in the night. Because he is a gentleman.
7. Tarzan – “Disney’s Tarzan”
Oh come on, you wouldn’t pick Tarzan? He doesn’t wear a shirt. He’s slick on his feet. He’s got amazing abs. And – he doesn’t wear a shirt. I don’t see what the problem is here. On top of all of that, he doesn’t talk much. My explanation for dating him completes itself.
Our date would consist of surfing through the branches of various jungle trees, fishing out food from the nearby lake and cooking it up old school-style.
8. Arnold – “Hey Arnold”
Arnold, the main subject behind the popular late ‘90s Nickelodeon show was kind of every type of guy crammed into one. He was sensitive, going out of his way to reunite Mr. Hunyh with his long lost daughter. He was passionate, always pining for different ladies through out his life. He was self-sufficient, I mean – after all, the show wasn’t called, “Hey Arnold and Harold and Gerald and Everyone Else,” he was easily the strongest character within his own world and the hero to his own story.
Our date would be surprisingly mature considering his young age, going out for a nice dinner but mixing it up by spending the evening talking about different comic books we both liked – you know, to keep it grounded.
9. Woody – “Toy Story”
I chose Woody over Buzz because I often choose brains over brawn. Woody is reliable, honest, kind, a leader, all qualities any man should possess. He values his friends, he understands morals, again –all things that shouldn’t be simply contained within a cartoon toy.
Our date would consist of trying to maneuver our way up and out of a bedroom window within Andy’s old room, after that we’d have a candlelight dinner in a makeshift restaurant inside of a Playskool playhouse, it already sounds delightful.
10. Anakin Skywalker – “Clone Wars”
Ladies, say what you will – but you know deep down inside every girl wants to get with a bad boy. It’s just romantic science at its most basic. Anakin, – let’s be honest – is the ultimate bad boy in being the precursor to what will later become Darth Vader, and that in and of itself is kind of irresistible.
Our date would mostly consist of going to the movies. However, within this ‘Clone Wars’ era, Anakin may be at his wordiest, always talking about being a better jedi and how he can impress Obi-Wan. It’s like Come on guy, give it a break! Just give me that bad boy pout and pass the popcorn.
Well there you have it. That's my personal list. I'm sure everyone has their own list of cartoon characters they'd date... who would you date?
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