Halloween is fun for a lot of reasons. For kids, it's fun to dress up. For adults, it's fun to dress up like an absoulte skank. Of course, the best part of Hallowen is the abundance of candy, but some people just DON'T GET IT. Using very complciated scientific algoryhtms, I've deterimed the worst treats to get in your trick-or-treat bag. You can tell it's science because there's a chart at the end.
7. Mini Candy Bars
We all know what size candy bars are: candy bar size, or sometimes king size. Then they invented the fun size, which was LESS fun that a regular sized candy bar. Now they have these mini-candy bars that are like 40% as big as fun sized, and 15% as fun. You can do better. Here's how these rank:
6. Change
This happens when you go to the home of someone who forgot what day it was. Since adults (stupidly) don't keep large bags of candy in their house, they think they can get away with giving out what they found in their couch coushions. Also, coins are covered with germs. Why would you throw that in a bag of food? Why not just toss a turd into the cake batter next time?
5. Apples
Apples are healthy. We get it. But I'm not dressing up like a Power Ranger and going to the homes of strangers looking to get healthy. If anything, that sounds dangerous. NO. We want some actual candy. Plus, they get brusied. Gross.
4. Necco Wafers
Necco Wafers taste better to me now that I'm older, but that's not saying much. They used to taste like the inside of a bowling shoe. Now they taste like the outside. Plus, they are so brittle, you end up with Necco dust all over your good candy.
3. Wax Bottles
How is this acceptable? What other food product in the world requires you to chew through something to get to the goods? And, of course, you throw an apple in there, and BAM. It's sticky red juice all over your bag.
2. Rasins
Some people think rasins are nature's candy. WRONG. CANDY IS NATURE'S CANDY. Raisins are dried out little grape-sacks. How DARE you throw these in my bag, when a box of NERDS would take up the same amount of space.
1. Floss
And we come to... Floss. Now, I know for a lot of people, floss is an important part of hygine. But so are tampons, and you don't see me giving them away to kids. If it lives in the bathroom, it doesn't belong in my candy bag.
Scientific Conclusion
As you can tell, it took a team of researchers months to come up with this list. Here's our findings, all in one handy chart
Which is YOUR least favorite halloween treat? Let us know below!
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