I tend to be a low maintenance guy. I don't need the new fashions or the best cars, but there are a few things that I would like to accomplish before I die.
1. Date Condoleezza Rice
Look, I know she is not the most gorgeous woman in the world, but she has a face that embodies character and grace under fire. She is accomplished, smart and I would never tire of sitting down to dinner only to be interrupted by her ordering a Trident missile strike.
2. Punch A Terrorist In The Balls
I am not sure how I will ever have the chance to do this, but I am pretty firm on the way this would go down. The kick to the balls is all to common, I want a full-on falcon punch to his baby maker.
3. Get My Tron On
I know that I can't ask Al Gore to help me with this as he is still hunting Manbearpig, but I want my consciousness to be inserted into the Internet. Mostly as it would be cool, but also I would never have to shave or exercise again.
4. Buy Angelina Jolie A Nice Steak Dinner
... and never call her. I just want to tell my friends that I shot her down. I am sure she is a nice person, but when you're in the public eye you must be ready to be the object of some really weird fantasies.
5. Be Well And Thoroughly Bearded
I am part Scottish and part American Indian so part of my body wants to grow facial hair, and the rest of me fights the first part. I can't get a beard going, but my back is like the forest moon of Endor.
6. Give Tina Fey A Hug
I just dig this chick. Her show is written and acted well, the timing is immaculate and I realy enjoy the effort that she put into 30 Rock. If the hug goes a little to long or a little to close, basically if things get kinda weird... well so be it!
What would make YOUR bucket list?
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