10 Dolls That You Won't Want For Christmas

Desi Jedeikin

I have no doubt that little girls everywhere have put a doll on this year’s Christmas list. I’m also pretty positive that the only list these dolls will be on is this list of the most WTF dolls.

 

1. ‘You Can Shave The Baby’ Doll

Have you ever wondered what the spawn of a Little Orphan Annie and Jacob Black hook-up might look like? Have you ever wanted to shave a hairy baby? If you’ve answered yes to either of these questions, then please take your meds and for the love of all that is holy… put this doll on your Christmas list and shave this poor dang baby!

 

2. Michael Jackson Baby Doll

Michael Jackson was a cute baby. This baby Michael Jackson, however, is a WTF of human centipede proportions.

 

3. Gwen the Homeless American Girl Doll

What little girl wouldn’t want a homeless doll with the heartwarming back story of living on the street with her mom after her dad skipped out? Well it could be hers for just over a hundred bucks! Cardboard box house and brown bagged bottle of hooch not included!

 

4. Oreo Barbie

In 1997 Mattel and Nabisco joined forces and launched Oreo Barbie, apparently unaware that Oreo is a derogatory term used against African-Americans. The doll was almost immediately taken off the shelves and instantly became a sought after collectible. Now, I’d like to applaud Mattel for seeing beyond Barbie’s blonde, white standard of beauty… but then they got all WTF with it! Where’s urbandictionary.com when you need it?

 

5. Sarah Palin Cabbage Patch

I like to imagine she’s saying “My presidential delusions are thiiiiiiis big!” But she’s probably talking about her big a** cankles.

 

6.Very Gay Ken Dolls

Oh Ken… can we talk? You frost your hair. You didn’t talk to Barbie for a week when she deleted the Rocky Horror Glee from your DVR. You posted a video of yourself on Youtube lipsyncing Ke$ha’s TiK ToK. DUDE! Barbie might be dumb enough to buy it, but gurllll… you need to let your rainbow flag fly free.

 

7. Pole Dancing Doll

You know, not everyone can be a professional fashion model like Barbie. Just because some girls are a little butter-faced doesn’t mean that they don’t need a role model showing them other ways to get that dream house and pink Corvette. A role model that says move to Vegas, get a job dancing at an upscale gentleman’s club while you wait to be cast on the next Rock of Love.

 

8. Hermaphrodite Doll

When you’re buying discounted cheap crap from China some manufacturing flaws are to be expected. What is very unexpected is a girl baby doll with a penis-y like thing.

 

9. President Obama Action Figure

This action figure, produced by the DID corporation out of Hong Kong, was released after Obama’s inauguration. It comes fully equipped with microphone, American flag, machine gun, Katana blades and no duh, a light saber. Because there’s only one thing he hates more than Republicans and that’s Sith Lords.

 

10. Baby Laugh-A-Lot

They say laughter is the best medicine. It’s also the very best way to tell if someone’s a raging psychopath. Or that they’ve been puffing away on a bong all night…I’m looking at you Miley Cyrus!!!

Which doll do you think is the biggest WTF? Will any of these make it on your Christmas list? Let us know in the comments!

 

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