With the fireworks, the poppers, and the drunk drivers, New Year’s Eve is here. Everyone gets together with their friends, mostly as an excuse to have a party, but also to celebrate the New Year. However, before getting too excited about 2011, you might want to look over this list of things that we all wish would never exist.
1.The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn (Part 1)
It was supposed to be over with 4. Only 4 books! With a vengeance, Sparkly Vampire and friends will return to steal the box office, waste tons of people’s time, and promote male-lipstick usage. And as we all know it's only acceptable for men to wear lipstick if they are drag queens, or while interrogating a suspect to make you look crazy.
2.More Campaign Ads
Just when you thought they were over, those endless, annoying, repetitive campaign TV ads will come back to hijack your television as the 2012 primary election for presidency nears. Look forward to Sarah Palin asserting that Barack Obama is a lizard that uses human baby blood to power the robot Karl Marx he built to issue him his commands.
3.The Oprah Show Is Ending
So you probably don’t care, but if you care about your mom’s happiness, you should. What’s she going to do when she wants to hear about other people’s problems? In all likelihood she's going to have to start creeping around outside of your neighbor's windows and listening to their fights. Not cool, Mom, not cool.
4.Glee To Ruin More Classic Songs
In Season One, they trashed Aretha Franklin, The Doors, and Queen. Then, the Rolling Stones, Bon Jovi, and the Beatles in Season Two. Don’t be surprised if your ears are invaded by a brutal, upcoming rendition of Stairway to Heaven. Although I thought their A Capella cover of Marylin Manson's "Irresponsible Hate Anthem" was pretty good, if a little flat.
5.Modern Technology Becoming Outdated (Again)
That shiny new iPod touch you got for Christmas will somehow find a way to look like an antique when they’re updated. And, as you know, when you don't have the latest technology, people love you less.
6.Jersey Shore Season Three
Everyone’s favorite reality show: Survivor. It fell out of its prime a few years ago, and since it began in the late ‘90s, every other reality show has basically been a variation of the show’s survival format. However, once MTV stopped being music television, watching most of its new shows has been a battle of survival in itself. Duck and cover, here comes more Snooki. At least she eats styrofoam. Which is good for the environment.
7.M. Night Shyamalan’s Existence
The existence of the King of Bad Movies, M. Night Shyamalon, in the film industry will likely cause the spread of catastrophic acting, ridiculous dialogue, and laughable direction. If you’ve seen "The Happening" or "The Last Airbender", you’ll know that movies advertised with his name are to be avoided.
8.Ke$ha Will Continue to Refuse to Shower
Okay, maybe it’s an exaggeration, but it seems like Ke$ha (pronounced “keh-money-sign-hah”) is always in need of a good scrubbing. Who knows, maybe someone will change her life forever with glitter-infused soap.
9.More Disney Channel “Actors” to Become “Singers”
It seems that the whole Miley-Cyrus-smoking-from-a-bong thing has finally blown over, but her Disney career is definitely dead. However, no need to fear! Disney’s hobby of converting their bad-actors into Auto-Tune sensations is sure to continue.
10. Global Warming
Remember that global warming thing? It’s only getting worse. And yeah, you can expect it to come hit with full-power this summer. Keep those SUV's revving, baby, summer all year round!
What else is going to be hell in 2011?
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