I have lived next to you for 3 years and all though we wave at one another we have yet to speak to each other. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for a few things and try to extend an olive branch to you.
Over the last few years you have seen, heard and unfortunately smelled a few disturbing things emanating from my house. I would like to explain the all.
The Night Of Farts
We live in Arizona and as is the custom of most desert dwellers on the first few weeks of cool weather we leave our windows open. This would be ok except for the fact that our bedrooms widows are close to each other and I had read about the diet where you eat nothing but cauliflower and broccoli for a week. I must say that as an avid fart enthusiast I was a little frightened, and awe struck, that I could make the walls of my house shake.
Green Hairy Guy
I apologize that I forgot to was off the green paint before I walked outside to get the paper. I was at a Star Trek party the night before dressed as a Klingon. What is even more regrettable is that my forgetfulness extended to my wearing of pants.
I Thought It Was Your Dog Pooping On My Lawn
I apologize, whole heartedly, that you woke up one day to find a human sized poop on your porch. I say this without admitting any guilt but I am sorry all the same.
I Am Sorry For My Wi-Fi Revenge
I saw that you tapped in to my Wi-Fi. You must have somehow cracked the code. I was so disappointed! My actions were not too mature and I wish to say that I am sorry for piggy-backing into your computer and using your email address to subscribe to the online magazine called “Fat Hairy men of the Ukraine”.
I Am Sorry For The Power Outage
I was unaware that running a server in my house while making popcorn and turning my AC on high in the middle of summer would overload the power grid in our neighborhood and cause a blackout. Now I know and if Saturday morning cartoons have taught us anything knowing is half of the battle!
I Am Sorry That You Had To See My Junk
I don't really have any clear thoughts until an hour after I awake. I just kind of stumble through my morning routine which includes some stretching exercises. It was a late night before and to this day I have no idea why my blinds were open and I was naked as Jane Fonda's “Let get Physical” blared from my house but I am sorry all the same.
Comments
Post a Comment