It’s been quite a year for horrible music, so it was very difficult to narrow down the worst tracks of 2010. Sorry, Cali Swag District. Maybe you’ll make the list next year with “Teach Me How To Dougie Again I Forgot How.” As it stands, these are 2010’s worst songs…
9. Paradice - Lil Wayne
Lil Wayne’s “singing” is normally horrible, but this is like the Mona Lisa of horrible Lil Wayne singing. He sounds like a cross between Ke$ha, a drunk robot, and throat cancer. Is he GURGLING that Auto-Tune machine?
8. Blah Blah Blah – Ke$ha
Let’s be honest. Any list of the worst songs of 2010 could be filled entirely with Ke$ha tracks. But I don’t feel like writing the dollar sign in the middle of words over and over again, so we’ll settle on this one. Everything bad about Ke$ha is turned up to 11 (out of 4) in this song. Annoying, half-rap half-whine chorus? Check. Out of control vocal processing to cover up that she can’t sing? Check, Terrible lyrics? DOULBE CHECK. “Zip your lips like a padlock.” What padlocks does she use that zip? Does she do everything wrong?
7. Whip My Hair - Willow Smith
Marketing guy: “Hey, can we get the daughter of the Fresh Prince to sing an annoying phrase over and over again, and then get her to sing over that loop?” Other marketing guy: “Yes. Let me get Will on the phone. We’re going platinum!” How old is Willow Smith? Why is she turning her swag on? She’s not old enough for swag yet! Also, her face shouldn’t be bedazzled, but that’s a personal preference.
6. Beautiful People - Christina Aguilera
If you are trying a pop comeback, the general rule is never, ever do a dance song-mashup with a decade-old Marilyn Manson song. Well, Christina doesn’t play your rules. She’ll make whatever Frankenstein abortion of a song she wants to!
5. Fortunate Son - Santana feat. Scott Stapp
“Featuring Scott Stapp” is a phrase that guarantees it is going to suck beyond belief. Even great things can be ruined by Stappness. “Pie and world peace and sex with Scarlett Johansson… featuring Scott Stapp?” “Eh, no thanks.” The song also isn’t helped by the same “signature” guitar licks Santana’s been putting on every song for the past four decades. We get it, Santana. WE GET IT. This song is so bad, it can't be found on YouTube. Let that sink in for a moment.
4. Can’t Be Tamed – Miley Cyrus
Miley decides to “grow up” and “be sexy” and “turn into a bird.” Who is she trying to be here? Lady Gaga? One Gaga is enough, thank you very much. This song reminded us that Miley was transitioning from America’s sweetheart into Lindsay Lohan with a weirder face.
3. My First Kiss - 3OH!3 feat. Ke$ha
First off, the verse of this song sounds like a rip-off of Avril Levinge’s “Girlfriend.” Ten points from Gryffindor for that one. 2nd, the band has punctuation in their name. Stop it! 3rd, awkward frat-boy rapping. 4th, Ke$ha. Thankfully, they only let her say one sentence, but the damage is done.
2. Pretty Boy Swag - Soulja Boy Tell’em
Soulja Boy has made his career lazily rapping over irritating music. But rapping doesn’t get more lazy or music more irritating than “Pretty Boy Swag." Why is he rapping like that? Is he having an asthma attack? Is he rapping at a high, low-oxygen atmosphere? And who told him piano accompanied by truck-backing-up sound was an appropriate backing track? Soulja Boy… we’re worried about you.
1. Hey Soul Sister (Glee Version)
When I asked all my friends what was the worst song of the year was, both of them replied “Hey Soul Sister” by Train. And I agree. “Hey Soul Sister” is a crappy Jason Mraz “I’m Yours” knock-off that should be taken out into a desolate field and bludgeoned until the bat breaks. But I decided to get all Inception up in here. We have to go DEEPER. There’s a worse version of “Hey Soul Sister,” one level down. It was on “Glee.” I didn’t think they could ruin an already bad song, but they did. Congrats?
What did I miss? What do you think are the worst songs of 2010? Let us know in the comments!
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