Christmas Caroling: Invented By Drunks

C.J. Arabia

Christmas Caroling has been taken over by church groups, clean teens, and gay men's chiors...

But if you want to be historically accurate with your Caroling you should get really drunk...

Then stumble around the street belting your favorite holiday songs out of tune and off key! Begging for food and threatening NOT to leave until you get some more booze or a snack.

That's how Christmas Caroling started...

Caroling dates back to the pagan celebration of the winter solstice, when Christmas was nothing but a festival of pure joy and drunken revelry. (I hear that they also did some religious stuff too.) But they mostly drank.

According to the History Channel (so you know it's legit), medieval Carolers would stumble around from house to house singing and begging for food and drinks. They would threaten to throw rocks through the windows of anyone who refused to give them a handout.

The drunks would get so rowdy and out of hand that eventually Christmas was banned in America in the 16th and 17th centuries. Basically Christmas was a holiday of such drunken debachery that they wouldn't even let us have Christmas for a while, until we learned to behave ourselves.

And Santa wasn't the cool fat dude with gifts... he was Krampas who spent more time kidnapping and beating up bad kids than he did delivering gifts to good ones. He'd put the bad kids in a sack, drag them down to the river and beat them with sticks for being a turd all year long. (I wonder how nightmares were invented?)