The re-gift. The socks. The Weener Kleener. Thanks… but no thanks!
I hate to be ungrateful but sometimes Christmas ‘tis the season for giving crappy, cheap or inappropriate gifts. Some gifts are so bad that you’d actually prefer a lump of coal. But year after year you accept them graciously with the fakest smile you can muster and you put the people who gave them to you on your sh*t list forever.
Here’s a list of the worst offenders.
1. The Clueless
Some people just don’t know how to buy for children. Sure sometimes the kids love the gifts…but the parents? Not so much. A few pointers… dolls = good, blow up dolls = bad. Super Soaker = good, AK-47 = bad. And please…the mini liquor bottles you got on your flight? Not appropriate stocking stuffers!
2. The Bulk Buyer
Snuggies for the whole family….very bad. But then you had to force us all to take a picture together wearing them, which made it so, so, so much worse. Digital evidence of me looking like an a-hole. Thanks!
3. The Scrooge
Dayum! I didn’t even know the 99 cent store had gift receipts!!
4. The Predictable One
You know one thing about me. I like South Park. And I have to say, I died over the South Park chess set. And the Chef bobble head? LOVE! But Christmas, birthday, graduation, Easter…it’s always South Park. No one needs 14 different sizes of plushy Christmas poos, with all due respect to Mr. Hankey.
5. The Relative Who Still Thinks You’re Seven
Dear Nana, if you stop buying me Strawberry Shortcake backpacks, I’ll stop buying you thongs.
6. The Joker
These people are high-larious. It’s a plastic animal that poops jelly beans! It’s a cuddly stuffed turd and pee uh…pile! It’s a wiener cleaner…get it? Yeah I get it…now where’s my real present?
7. The Re-gifter
Thanks! I actually love the scarf. As much as I did when I gave it to you last Christmas. Can’t wait to see your face when you get it again next year!
8. Miss Crafty
Handmade can be the best kind of gift…or the worst. Yes to cashmere knits. No to anything that jazzes up my toilet, ruins a perfectly good pair of Chucks or seems like it might be worn by a crazy mofo.
9. Mr. Practical
Yes, technically I need underwear, socks and cedar-scented hangers, but there better be an Xbox 360 250GB Console with Kinect under that pile of tighty whities, cause Ima ‘bout to cry.
10. The Proud Parents
I don’t care if it’s a ‘professional’ portrait taken at the mall, I don’t want a picture of your kids! But I guess I’ll thank you for the frame, because I need one for this picture I took of my cat, Butters.
What’s the worst gift you’ve ever received? Let us know in the comments!
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