Elves are often overlooked when it comes to bringing in Christmas cheer, perhaps due to their miniature stature, or perhaps due to their usual lack of spicy personalities. But I dig them, they keep the show going, so to speak. Through supporting Santa in order for him to be the rock star that he is, they lay the holiday foundation down in order for holiday cheer to be cheerful, and who can’t get down with that?
I’ve compiled a list of some of the sexiest, most bad-ass, most unconventional elves I could find. Enjoy!
11. Buddy the Elf - Elf
Courageous and brave, approaching everything with a childlike wonder (and being boyishly handsome doesn’t hurt) Buddy wins the award for being the most elf-like without being an actual elf.
10. Ernest J. Keebler
Is that a cookie in your pocket or are you just glad to see me? When he's not making toys for Santa he's baking the delicious chocolate chip cookies. That's my kind of elf.
9. Dobby the House Elf - Harry Potter Series
Dobby’s the ultimate wildcard in the Wizarding World: Loyal and reserved yet willing to duke it out in a fight against He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and his evil henchmen, Dobby proves that elves can and will be ultimate bad-asses, and I’m sure being in close proximity to their opponents rears doesn’t hurt when they ultimately kick them.
8. Bernard - The Santa Clause
The world needs elves like Bernard, the ones that set the bar for all of the other, “We Mean Business” elves. I firmly believe that if we had elves like Bernard in Congress, then the Healthcare debacle and the recession would be instantly solved; and the fact that he has rock star dreads doesn’t hurt.
7. Marcus - Bad Santa
One look at this tough guy mall elf and he’ll scare the Holiday shift out of you. Though he’s only “gay” (in the cheerful sense) for pay, he’s so intimidating that he could be dressed as a smurf and I’d still be terrified of him. If you like bad boys, he’s the elf for you.
6. Willie - Fred Claus
Willie (played by the hilarious John Michael Higgins) has an enthusiasm for the holidays impossibly rivaled by any other magical Christmas-y creature, and with a sense of well-played manipulation you could easily shift him from being a Christmas cheerleader to your own cheerleader, and who doesn’t love a fan?
5. The Grinch - Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Look, I know the Grinch isn’t “technically” an elf, but A. He’s green; B. He’s kind of wrinkly like an elf; C. He’s often second fiddle to the main show of the Who’s in Whoville much like North Pole elves are to Santa, you get it. If you have a mother complex and love to nurture less-than-perfect souls, then he’s your green guy.
4. Yoda - Starwars
When this elf isn't minipulating the Force or sitting in a swamp, he's busy at the North Pole making toys for the good kids of the world! Trust me on this one!
3. Hermey - Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
Nerdy and out-of-place, sensitive and vulnerable - I’m pretty sure I dated a version of this guy in High School. All this bro needs is a pair of spectacles and an absent father figure and he is just my type.
2. Legolas - The Lord of the Rings Series
Forget everything I’ve said about every elf before this one. Elves can have abs? Game over. Elves can have long flowing locks of blonde hair to whip out of their way dramatically? No contest. Now excuse me while I go get lost in the mystical forest, somewhere.
1. Tom Cruise
When this Elf is done having his thetans cleansed, he's busy as a beaver hand crafting toys for needy children. I swear!
Who is your favorite elf?
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