Donald Trump announced the cast of the upcoming Celebrity Apprentice 2011.
Row #1: Jose Canseco (Baseball Player), Dionne Warwick (Singer), Mark McGrath (Singer), La Toya Jackson (Singer)
Row #2: Marlee Matlin (Deaf Actress), Gary Busey (Freaky Actor), Star Jones (Talk Show Host, The View), Lil John (Rapper)
Row #3: NeNe Leakes (Reality Star, Real Housewives of Atlanta), Meatloaf (Singer), Niki Taylor (Supermodel), David Cassidy (Actor/Singer, The Partridge Family)
Row #4: John Rich (Country Singer), Hope Dworaczyk (Model, Playboy), Richard Hatch (Winner, Survivor Season 1), Lisa Rinna (Reality Star, Harry Loves Lisa)
Except for Meatloaf, this list is really lame. Seriously, La Toya Jackson? The sole reason Celebrity Apprentice exists is to boost the careers of a bunch of has-beens and never-weres, which is kind of boring since most of these people haven’t been relevant in years. A lot of people don’t even know who they are!
Celebrity Apprentice 2012 would be far zippier if it included people whose careers really need a boost. We think The Donald should consult Smosh for the next cast. Our picks are much better!
1. The Octomom
The Octomom recently announced she’s broke, which is a little odd, given her book and movie deals and corporate sponsorships. But we wouldn’t mind seeing her faux-Angelina face on Celebrity Apprentice. Her charity could be Planned Parenthood.
2. Daniel Radcliffe
Now that the Harry Potter series is finishing, Daniel’s going to need a job. What better way to launch his post-Hogwarts career than to work for The Donald? Harry would nail the final task if it involved producing a magic show, perhaps for Criss Angel.
3. Lindsay Lohan
Once she’s done with rehab, her court-mandated community service and her sentence for assaulting a couple of Betty Ford employees, Lindsay will be ready to make a comeback. While she’s still shopping the script for the biopic about her life, Lindsay could go on Celebrity Apprentice and raise funds for The Betty Ford Battered Nurses Fund.
4. Mel Gibson
Surly racist Mel Gibson’s career has no hope unless he can prove to America how much he’s changed. We think it would be really funny if he were on a team with gay, Jewish and African American celebrities. He’d have to wear a muzzle!
5. Paris Hilton
Unless there’s a shopping spree, charity carwash, burger-eating contest or drug-smuggling task to project manage, Paris will probably be one of the first celebs booted—which is a bummer, since she promised to wear her black bathing suit to every meeting in the boardroom.
6. Haley Joel Osment
He was super-cute in The Sixth Sense, but we haven’t seen Haley Joel Osment in anything much for a long time. Perhaps people don’t recognize him now that he’s all grown up? Being on Celebrity Apprentice would show the world that he’s a big boy now!
7. Winona Ryder
Ever since she was arrested for shoplifting, Winona has been having a tough time of things. Yeah, she was pretty cool as Spock’s mom, but she was only in Star Trek for about six minutes. Perhaps a full season on Celebrity Apprentice will be enough to get her career back on track—if she can’t make it that long without lifting one of The Donald’s pink silk ties.
8. Ron Jeremy
Like Betty White, Ron Jeremy has been around a long time, and he’s always been relevant. It’s time for him to share his appeal with a whole new generation of TV viewers. Maybe he and Paris could work out a “film” deal together…
9. Britney Spears
Britney is the master of personal transformation, going from hideous to hot and back again whenever she goes crazy. But she’s pretty resilient, and we don’t think she’s as stupid as she looks. If she can keep her sh*t together long enough, she might surprise everyone and win.
10. Kevin Federline
Every reality show needs a bickering couple to add sexual tension!
11. Fantasia Barrino
The only think Fantasia is famous for is being Fantasia. We’d like to see her play someone else some day, but maybe doing another project in which she plays herself will make people care again about who she is.
12. Taylor Lautner
Once America realizes that Taylor Lautner is nothing without his spray-painted abs, he’s going to be screwed. Doing Celebrity Apprentice between Twilight filmings will show everyone that he’s more than just another talentless werewolf
13. Ke$ha
This lovely lady is right in the middle of her 15 minutes of fame, so by the time they start shooting the 2012 season of Celebrity Apprentice, Ke$ha will have lots of time on her hands.
14. The Situation
Since The Situation is already a reality-show star, he’d have no problem slipping into his role as The Donald’s little helper. Between tasks, he and Taylor could work on their abs together.
15. Madonna
Every Celebrity Apprentice has at least one dried-up old queen, so why not Madonna? She’s only a couple of years away from headlining in Vegas—maybe appearing on Celebrity Apprentice will renew some interest in her fading career.
16. Justin Timberlake
Justin’s career revived briefly with "D*ck in a Box," but it’ll plummet to its death soon if he doesn’t zap it again. On Celebrity Apprientice, he wouldn't have to walk around with a gift box dangling from his peep... though he could if he wanted. I mean who doesn't want to watch Justin Timberlake? He could do anthing he wanted and we still couldn't take our eyes off him.
Who do you think should be on Celebrity Apprentice? Tell us in the comments!
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