50 Cent tweeted to has fans this weekend that they should invest in the company that sells his sunglasses. Sure, it's a sketchy investment in an unproven company, but the man wrote "Magic Stick," so he MUST be full of sound financial advice. After the tweets, Fiddy made, no joke, $8.7 million dollars. As much as I like making rich people more rich, I'm not sold on buying shares of the stock jusssst yet. Here is what I want 50 to give me before I invest.
1. Sunglasses
First of all, investors should receive a free complimentary pair of 50 Cent sunglasses. Which are just like regular glasses, except that they are bullet proof. The one downside is that they also attract bullets. So if you're wearing the glasses, when you get shot at, try to get shot in the eye.
2. A Personal Visit From 50 Cent
If you invest in 50 Cent's sunglasses company he should personally pay a visit to your house. But he will come with an empty stomach, so be prepared to feed him. He is allergic to peanuts, and doesn't like cauliflower, other than that he is pretty open minded. Don't let him play with your children though, as he is very strong, but doesn't know his own strength. He has been known to be having fun wrestling with a child and then accidentally throw him through a TV.
3. 50 Cent Will "Pimp Your Ride"
If you invest in 50's company in the next two days 50 Cent will personally pimp out your car. He always does the same thing every time. He paints it red, puts giant speakers in the back, adds a racing stripe, and alters all the doors so that they cannot be closed.
4. A Giant Tattoo of 50 Cent On Your Back
When you invest in 50 Cent's company there is a clause in the contract you sign that says 50 Cent has the right to come over to your house at any time, have two strong men hold you down, and then personally give you a full back tattoo of his name. If you cry, he is allowed to punch you until you stop.
5. Trapped In An Alternate Universe
If you buy into 50 Cent's company a light surrounds you and then sucks you into an alternate dimension that entirely consists of a giant maze where you are being hunted by 50 Cent and your only weapon is your wits.
6. A Fur Coat
50 Cent will give people who invest in his sunglasses company each a very stylish fur coat. But beware, the fur coat is made out of body hair torn off of those who were unwilling to invest in his company.
What else will 50 Cent give you for helping him sell sunglasses? Let us know in the comments!
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