Cute and cuddly? Nice and friendly? No. The cartoon characters are not at all what we thought they were when we were little. They’re modeled after human qualities and, sometimes, are actually pretty creepy.
Spongebob Squarepants
Yellow. Adorable. Bubbly. Sure, he is all these things, but, with a second glance, it becomes apparent who Mr. Squarepants really is. Because he has had a full-time job for almost twelve years, he is at least thirty. So, he’s a thirty-year-old man who lives all alone with his pet snail, has a best friend with the brains of a rock, and spends most of his time catching bubbles and bothering his neighbor. Basically, he’s a psychopath.
Tommy Pickles
Look at them. Those Rugrats. They were the same age for thirteen years. Something was majorly wrong, and nobody said a word. They just lived their little lives for over a decade, pretending to be babies, pretending not to speak English, only baby gibberish, and were members of a cult run by Angelica the Evil. Moreover, he terrified a generation of children away from eating the black seeds in watermelons when he thought that a watermelon would grow in your stomach if they did so.
CatDog
It defies all laws of genetics. This thing is brainwashing children with the ideal of a cat mixed with a dog. How could it even walk? What if one wanted to go one place and one wanted to go another? And it seemed like it stretched. This elastic freak of nature is far from adorable. It’s gross.
Everyone in Hey Arnold!
Between the football head, the unibrow, and the guy with Marge Simpson hair, this show is intensely scarring. Not to mention Arnold’s kilt. Is there even a moral to this story? Helga is completely horrible. There’s this one episode with a Vietnamese man with a Chinese accent whose daughter was lost in the war. A sweet story for sweet children.
The Extremely OddParents
These eccentric, magical, insane fairies exist solely to make Timmy Turner’s life much harder than it needs to be, making everything extremely complicated. Also, every single character has a loud, booming, obnoxious voice. Poor parents.
The Wild Thornberrys
This is a strange looking family. And I’m not one to judge by looks, but I am one to judge by accents. This exploration-based family spends all of their time out on Wild adventures. What about school? What about the high chances of being bitten by a poisonous snake or attacked by a vicious gorilla?
Rocket Power
These kids are probably nine years old, one has dreadlocks, and they spend all their time skating the likely dangerous streets of some fictitious Californian beach town. Also, that lead girl’s body is literally the thickness of her thumb. Advocating anorexia? I think so. Come on, Nickelodeon.
Courage the Cowardly Dog
This is the worst of them all. Courage, a cowardly dog, is the pet of a sweet old woman, a scary old man, and lives in a superstitious person’s worst nightmare. The man is the stereotypical, abusive husband, while the woman is the stereotypical, too-nice wife who spends all day in the kitchen. It brings every child’s worst fears — the dark, abdominal snowmen, and screaming parents — and puts them in a show.
What other cartoon characters would be creepy as real humans? Tell us who and why in the comments below!
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