BRRRR! Cold enough for ya? The East Coast is covered in snow and every day more snow falls from the sky. But, it's snow laughing matter!
For anyone living in the snowy regions, this long cold winter is taking it's toll. People are SO OVER IT, they are cracking up! Yes, it is true: there is a horrible outbreak of SNOW MADNESS sweeping through many States of this great Union. Has the outbreak spread to your town?! Not sure yet? Well, here are 8 sure signs to look out for...
1. Where Are Fido & Fluffy?
Pets, as weaker minded creatures, are the first to go Snow Mad. Watch out for tails cutting through the snow like periscopes – your dog or kitty could turn Snow Shark at any moment and leap for the jugular.
2. Signs Are A Sign
Sometimes a sign is a warning sign! If local government is getting involved, by poasting signs, it’s time to horde guns/ammo and start converting the basement to a fallout shelter.
3. Irrational/Erratic Behavior
The science behind Snow Madness is fairly understandable to the average layman: the brain slowly freezes, rendering the victim increasingly irrational. This poor sick bastard believes he is a luchador. Right after this photo was taken, he tried to wrestle the snow into submission. The snow won.
4. Snow Coma
When neurological synapses are exposed to too much cold bright whiteness, they perceive this as a super-fast strobe light, and go into a stupor and/or erratic attacks. While this fellow was in a Snow Coma (AKA a “Snowma”) his so-called friends, clearly Snow-Mental themselves, committed this atrocity for him to “awaken.”
5. Hallucinations
Hallucinating one is at the beach or other warm climate is a common manifestation of Snow Madness.
6. Naked Activities
Yes, Snow Madness cares not for your shriveling private bits or public humiliation. People go nuts from all the layers of clothes they have to wear in the winter and when people really lose it, you might find them ripping off their layers and partaking in bizarre and not-so-bizarre nude snow activities: Mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, or taking an icy trip to the convenience store on the ol' motorcycle.
7. Retreat Into A Make Believe Fantasy World
Role players who come down with “S.M.” mid-adventure will truly believe they are in the snow-free realm or world of their fantasies. This might sound fun, but the player might wander outside, thinking they are in some wonderful warm world they've created... Best to keep them inside lest they get frostbite.
8. If The Snow Takes On A Life Of It's Own
Artists famously express themselves through their work. If someone you know starts sculpting “Snowkemon” and insists staying outside to “catch them all” they will only catch pneumonia and perish. Call 9-1-1.
Why Is The Situation Snow Serious?
Snow Madness is a terrifying and dangerous mental illness, it is true. That said, it is also pretty hilarious to watch. Good luck out there, brave Eskimos of the North East.
What signs of Snow Madness have you seen? Please tell us, for the greater good!
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