Some holidays are pretty darn great. Christmas you get tons of presents. Halloween you get to throw eggs at children in costumes. Arbor day you get to make out with a tree and not have anyone think you are weird, is my understanding of arbor day. But they're nothing compared to these holidays that we wish were real.
1. Pizza Bagel Day
On this day, once a year, everyone rich and poor can lay on the ground with their mouths open as the clouds are seeded with Pizza Bagels and they rain down from the sky. Texas is the only state that is not allowed to have Pizza Bagels rain down from the sky, until they agree to rethink their unusually harsh stance regarding the death penalty.
2. The Tens Shall Be Ones and The Ones Shall Be Tens
This is the holiday where people who are normally considered "1s" get to make out with people who are normally considered "10s." Woe unto the 10, for their mouths will taste of the 1s.
3. Pikachu Is Real-vember
Where every November, for the entire month, Pikachu is real. It's the only way people will realize that having a pet that shoots lightning out of its cheeks is actually a bad thing. Few survive, and those who do are at least moderately singed.
4. Ask Nicolas Cage Day
On July 24th between 2pm and 6pm, every year, People's Choice award nominated Nicolas Cage comes down from his mountain cave and gives anyone who asks for it relationship advice. Those who follow the advice live happily ever after. Those who do not follow the advice die alone, smelling of booze, in a dirty, undecorated apartment above a 99 cent store.
5. Undead People Chase Vanna White Day
Once year the dead rise from the grave, starving for brains, and chase down the star of the popular game show "Wheel of Fortune," Vanna White. Sometimes she survives. Most of the time, she does not.
6. Red Lobster Honesty Day
On Red Lobster Honesty Day people who go to Red Lobster have to admit to each other that they just go because it's close to their house and really, it's only, "sort OK, especially considering the price."
What holidays do you wish were real? Let us know in the comments!
Check out these sexy fails. It's the right thing to do. You know, I know it.
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