I don't know what it is that resides deep inside of men, of all ages, that makes us want to do donuts in our cars.
Maybe it is a prime-evil need to show off our dominance, or maybe it is that we just like the smell of burnt rubber. Either way its a fun thing to do, until a cop shows up.
What follows are a few things that I have learned today.
E-brake Makes Donuts Easy
I had to buy new tires for my car and thought I would say fair well to these worn out old tires Smokey and the Bandit style, in the Walmart parking lot. That's right, I cranked out a few donuts for all to see using the ol' emergency brake.
Private Property Does Not Protect You From The Fuzz
That's when the cop noticed me. I was a little fuzzy on the definition of a “public nuisance” when it comes to private property (seeing as a Walmart parking lot is private property) but apparently the definition includes creating 200 cubic meters of white-blue smoke in the private Walmart parking lot.
Cops Don't Have Great Senses Of Humor When On The Clock
So the cop comes over to my car to talk to me.
My advice on a situation like this is: It is probably best not to compliment the officer on his sidearm and in the next breath ask if they make that model for "real" men as well.
There Are No Hard And Fast Rules Governing The Use Of Police Tasers
Apparently if the officer feels threatened in anyway he can and will tase you, repeatedly. Learning this the "hard way" really sucks.
Saying “Don't tase me bro” Will Not Keep You From Getting Tased
I thought that the officer might find it to be a humorous statement and reconsider the imminent tasing. Not so much!
A Good and Thorough Tasing Will Make You Wet Your Pants
I have a short list of reasons that I have wet my pants, and now I can add the taser to that list.
The moral to this story is very simple, don't be a jackass - and if you are going to be a jackass just don't be one to a police officer. They have enough to deal with and dry pants are entirely underrated.
Have you ever been tased? Know someone who has been tased? Have you been close to getting tased? Tell us about it in the comments below!
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