It's tough being second banana your entire life. You get paid less, you get less credit for all your hard work, Mario gets the princess every night and you have to settle for a female Lukito brother. But with a little initiative Luigi could easily compete with his shorter, more famous brother. Here are some things Luigi could easily do to improve his lot in life:
1. Go To A Trade School
Luigi could easily apply himself and learn a skill to help him learn a respectable trade like airport baggage claim handler, paralegal, or security outside of a Spanish only night club.
2. P90x
Luigi could rock a six-pack no problem in less than 90 days, and how cool will Mario be then when he's all jelly-bellied and Luigi is standing around all day with his shirt off cracking open walnuts with his stomach muscles?
3. Ballroom Dancing Lessons
This will give Luigi an heir of sophistication, and the ladies love a man who can dance. So while Mario is goofy-dancing in the corner of the room alone, Luigi will be sweeping women off their feet with his gentlemanly moves.
4. Secretly Put Bovine Growth Hormone In Mario's Scrambled Eggs Every Morning
Yes, Mario will get incredibly strong, but the bovine growth hormone will cause him to go into uncontrollable fits of rage, alienating his friends, and most importantly, the Princess.
5. Get Mario Convicted Of Mail Fraud
By framing Mario for stealing old people's mail Mario will lose the respect of the Mushroom Kingdom and then the Princess will be ripe for the taking.
6. Write the Sequel To "Slumdog Millionaire," Have It Win An Academy Award
"Slumdog Millionaire" is universally respected as one of the greatest movies of all time. If Luigi can write the sequel to "Slumdog Millionaire" and get it made, that accomplish will surely outshine any princess saving Mario has ever done. Especially since Princess Peach has been heard to remark on more than one occassion, "If I ever met the man that was able to write the sequel to Slumdog Millionaire, I would make out with him until my lips stopped working."
What else could Luigi do to better himself? Let us know in the comments!
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