Assassin's Creed is a fine game that teaches children to solve conflicts by garroting their enemy. As the great John F. Kennedy once said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, because you should be busy silently stalking someone in order to take their life in a covert manner." In celebration of this exceptional video game series, here are some sequels that unfortunately didn't make the cut, but should have:
1. Assassin's Creed: Here Come The In-Laws!
Assassin's Creeds Mother-in-law and her family are staying at Assassin's Creed's place and generally being a real pain in the neck, and the only person who can stop it is Assassin's Creed (by killing them).
2. Assassin's Creed: The Race To Witch Mountain
There's a race to Witch Mountain, and the only person that can win it is Assassin's Creed. Or the Rock, or whoever the hell that kid is.
3. Assassin's Creed: Harry The Happy Tooth
Harry the Happy Tooth's wife and daughter have been kidnapped by terrorists, and the only person that can bring them to safety is Assassin's Creed. Sidenote: Harry The Happy Tooth's wife is a human woman, and yes their lovemaking is terrifying.
4. Assassin's Creed: Band Camp
One of the kids at Band Camp is still a virgin, and the only person that can stop it is Assassin's Creed.
5. Assassin's Creed: Bachelorette Party!
There's trouble brewing at a Bachelorette Party when one of the bachelorettes accidentally leaves her cell phone in a stripper's banana thong, and the only person that can find it is Assassin's Creed.
6. Assassin's Creed: Rumble On Pony Island
There's trouble brewing on Pony Island, the island that's inhabited exclusively by all the world's prettiest ponies, when the evil Wizard Grumblebum turns on the pies on Pony Island into blackbirds! Just where in the hell are the ponies supposed to get their f****ing pies to eat if all of the pies are blackbirds? I can't believe how mad Grumblebum makes me. I hope when he dies nobody mourns him. And the only person who can turn the pies back into pies is Assassin's Creed.
What other Assassin's Creed sequels would you like to see? Let us know in the comments!
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