Global warming has a lot of downsides. The polar ice caps melting, worldwide food shortages, a dramatic increase in the number and intensity of hurricanes. But it has some upsides too, here are but a few of the uppest sides:
1. MTV Winter Break: Siberia
Global Warming will turn former Russian ice prison country Siberia into a lush jungle paradise, warm all winter long and perfect for MTV to throw a thrill-packed celebrity-studded week-long Winter Party.
2. Dinosaurs Will Be Back
When the polar ice caps melt, the dinosaurs that have been frozen within them this whole time will be re-unleashed upon the Earth. Which is exciting news for dinosaur enthusiasts, and mixed news for people who do not like being eaten by dinosaurs.
3. No Need For Microwaves
Microwaves cost like 70 bucks, so since you can just cook food by putting it outside for a minute, that's 70 bucks right back in your pocket. Just be careful reaching into the sun for the food, as without an Ozone layer even momentary exposure to the sun will lead to instantaneously bursting into flame.
4. Post-Apocalyptic Desert Warfare
There are a lot of downsides to Post Apocalyptic desert warfare: a constant state of battle, never being safe, having your loved one's skulls mounted outside of desert outposts as a warning to trespassers. But there is one huge upside: leather thongs instantly become socially acceptable.
5. Hairless Bears
In an effort to remain alive, bears will have to shave off their fur. The results are at first terrifying, and then awesome when people find out that underneath that fur bears have secretly been getting really rad tattoos.
6. Sunscreen Replaces Paper Money As Currency
Since sunscreen will become a matter of life and death people will hoard their sunscreen stores and begin to use them as currency, trading sunscreen bottles for goods and services. This is only a good thing because I have recently purchased a 40% share of Hawaiian Tropic.
7. Make Out Sessions Take Less Time
Make out sessions used to take forever, which was frustrating because, you know, we're all busy and we have a lot to do. Luckily, after global warming, it will be so hot that you won't be able to kiss for very long before your lips start to melt together from the heat, forcing people to only kiss for a few seconds at a time. Which will be great because I'll be able to catch up on my reading.
What are some other upsides to global warming? Let us know in the comments!
Comments
Post a Comment