It’s President’s Day and we’re feeling a little sentimental about our founding fathers and recent leaders of the good ol’ U.S. of A. So we’ve done the hard research (a few minutes on Wikipedia) to find out which Presidents would actually be fun at a party or just cool enough to go see a Wednesday matinee with. Here’s what the research showed:
10. George Washington
The first President and father of the country. This “tobacco” plantation owner, with a mouth full of wooden teeth was probably the kind of dude you meet begging for change outside the Rite Aid... who follows you home but then is pretty chill to hang with and watch Tim and Eric’s Awesome Show: Great Job together.
9. William Howard Taft
The 27th Pres was nicknamed “Big Bill”. Taft weighed-in at 300 pounds and was the only President to have facial hair. Homeboy rolled (literally) the way he wanted. You know this guy had the killer fridge packed with pizza bagels, cherry Pop Tarts and tons of purple drink.
8. Abraham Lincoln
The 16th Pres who ended The Civil War and slavery, but he wasn’t all serious all the time. The guy was 6’ 4” and could dunk! When playing street ball with him you’d think you had him for a second and next thing you know he’s snatched the ball from between your legs and just free throws it across the court and makes it. He’s even looking at you while doing it and not the net. He could get kinda cocky that way but we’d forgive him.
7. Richard Milhous Nixon
The 37th Pres ended the war in Vietnam and really hated hippies. We totally understand. Hippies smell bad. Not only was Millhouse on The Simpsons named after him but he’s the only guy on the list we didn’t haveto Photoshop. He put a bowling alley in the White House which is so pimp. ‘Nuff said.
6. Franklin D. Roosevelt
The 32nd Pres who ended The Great Depression (we could use him right about now) and was an honorary Boy Scout. But this dude was tough as nails and served out his presidency in a wheelchair and didn’t take crap. Get in his face and he’d wheel over your feet and then punch you in the nuts.
5. Ronald Reagan
40th Pres during the entire 1980’s!! The head guy during Nintendo, The A-Team, Purple Rain, Parachute Pants, Captain EO, Cabbage Patch Kids and Culture Club. One of my alltime favorites!
4. John F. Kennedy
35th Pres during the 60’s and a total player. He was the Wilmer Valderrama of his day dating Marilyn Monroe, Angie Dickinson and Kim Novak. While in office he also dated White House workers, gangster’s wives and reporters, and used the secret service to cover it up and keep it from his wife. Not a guy to bring around your new girlfriend.
3. George W. Bush
43rd Pres who spent 487 days of his 2 terms on vacation at Camp David. What’s Camp David you ask? It’s a country retreat that feels like a 200 acre summer camp equipped with horseback riding, a golf course, two swimming pools, tennis court, bowling alley, basketball court and skeet shooting. Bush is pretty much the rich friend that annoys you but has an awesome bigscreen TV with all the pay-per-view channels and no lock on the liquor cabinet.
2. Bill Clinton
42nd Pres who had the biggest sex scandal in Presidential history after getting caught by his old lady and the nation having touchy-feely time with a White House intern and used a cigar as an accessory – youch! This lady killer would make an awesome wing man at a bar, wedding or oval office.
1. Barack Obama
44th Pres raised in Honolulu, Hawaii where you can surf and lay out in the sun drinking out of a coconut all day. He’s cool enough to let you crash at his place while at the White House which is at least another four years so I’ll pick him as number one for selfish reasons.
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