Everyone knows that the apocalypse will soon be upon us. We've told you what to pack in your Post Apocalyptic Go-Bag. But what happens after the Apocalypse? This is science fact guys, don't pretend it's not happening! If you are one of the few (un)lucky enough to avoid the devastation of the initial atomic blast/comet impact/zombie plague, you will need to band together with fellow survivors to increase your chances of success in the charred hellscape you now inhabit. Some of these people might be famous, but not all of them are worth having around. These are the worst celebrities to have by your side in the post-apocalypse.
Mel Gibson
You’d think having Mad Max on your team in the post-apocalypse would be a no brainier, but his explosive temper, and endless diatribes about how the meteor that destroyed all civilization was clearly Jewish, make him way more trouble than he’s worth.
Any Of The Kardashians
Physical attractiveness will be of little value once society collapses. Robbed of their only discernable skill, the Kardashians will suffer a psychological break and join the packs of feral models/reality stars that roam the wasteland searching for the attention of paparazzi and vodka-sponsored red carpet parties, but finding only the burning indifference of a world gone mad.
Bear Grylls
Again, it would seem like an obvious choice to have a wilderness survival expert in your party, but sooner or later Grylls is going to make you drink pee. If you’re lucky, it will be your own pee, but it still won’t be pleasant. He’ll tell you that it’s necessary for survival, but I think we all know what’s really going on here.
Al Gore
Four words: “I. Told. You. So.” Get used to hearing that over and over and over again.
Orlando Bloom
One look into those dreamy brown eyes and you can just tell that this guy will be the first to lose it and turn cannibal. Stay away, unless you’ve always dreamed of cracking Orlando Bloom in the skull with a shovel, ‘cause that’s what it will take to bring him down once “the hunger” sets in.
Snooki
In the event that you turn cannibal, years of alcohol and spray tan abuse will have rendered Snook’s meat tough, stringy, and possibly toxic. It will be like eating a rancid horse.
The Penguins from March of The Penguins
They are penguins - adorable, pudgy, waddling, and completely useless. There is a reason why scientists call penguins “Nature’s Kardashians.”
Lady Gaga
Her meat dress will attract every mutant Bearshark in a five-mile radius. Those things are crazy mean.
What other Celebs would be useless in the event of an apocalypse? Tell us in the comments below.
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