So Pokémon Black & Pokémon White came out this weekend, and surprise, some of the new Pokemon kinda suck. Now, we are not judging these guys on fighting ability or usefulness or anything like that. We are instead judging this batch of Pokemon on NAMES and APPERANCE, because this is America and that’s how we roll. Here are our least favorites.
Shelmet
Shell+helmet=shelmet. It’s not a lazy pun, it’s MATH. I guess we should count ourselves lucky they didn’t invent a Shelgina. Oh wait, they did. It’s called Cloyster.
Landorous
He’s kind of a cool genie-looking guy with a cool mustache, but I started to lose interest when I noticed he had a butt tentacle. Is it something awesome like a stinger or something? NOPE!
“The energy that comes pouring from its tail increases the nutrition in the soil, making crops grow to great size.”
So, he’s shooting fertilizer pokepoop all over the place with his ass-hose. Great.
Gurrdurr
Gurrdurr holds a steel girder. Get it? GET IT? Hurrdurr derp derp!
Zweilous
Two-headed dinosaur with fangs? Cool. Two-headed dinosaur with fangs and an emo haircut? Not cool. You can tell that Zweilous is emo since the heads just want to be alone.
Foongus
This isn’t just lazy naming. I think this might just be a typo. Oh wait, it evolves into Amoonguss. I guess they are letting 5-year-olds name Pokemon now.
Herdier
Is this just a dog? This is a dog. The people at pokemon have officially given up. I want like dragons and giant bugs psychic ducks and POCKET MONSTERS to fight, not common household animals. Making dogs fight makes YOU the monster. Did they include this Pokemon at the request of Michael Vick?
Ducklett
Are you frigging KIDDING ME? Pokemon namer, “It looks like a duck. Let’s call it duck” Boss: “Isn’t that a bit obvious?” Namer: “You’re right! How about Ducklett!” Boss: “Brilliant! Here’s a bag of money!”
Cofagrigus
It’s a big Egyptian coffin that eats people? Guys, the Egyptian thing we are afraid of is MUMMIES. So close though. .
Vanillite
Never, ever have I picked up a gameboy and thought, “this game needs more fighting ICECREAM!” Kids like ice cream, yes, but that doesn’t mean you should stick some googly eyes on some soft serve and sitck it in your video game.
Lampent
If you can’t tell from the name and the fact that it looks like a lamp, this is lamp. A fighting lamp. No one wants to play with lamps, Nintendo!
Which one is the worst? Is there one we missed? Let us know in the comments
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