There are lots of things people might want advice from celebs on… dodging the paparazzi? Sure! Tips on doing the Master Cleanse? Why not! Convincing your fans that the People’s Choice Award you just won means more to you than winning an Oscar? You bet! But relationship advice? I don’t think so. Especially from these celebs.
Hugh Hefner
If you want advice on how to be in a relationship with lots of hot young chicks at the same time, Hugh Hefner knows the secret. Be a millionaire on the verge of death, who owns a magazine that bimbos wanna pose naked in. If you’re not in this very elite club, then he’s just a whole lot of useless info, rambling on about things like how to put liquefied Viagra in your gastric feeding tube and using CPR as foreplay.
Taylor Swift
Why would you take advice from a girl who gets cheated on by her virgin boyfriend? Besides, I’m pretty sure she has no interest in helping her fans have successful love lives, anyway. If they don’t relate to the crappy love songs she churns out, she won’t even have her millions to hug at night.
Jesse James
Just last year, he would’ve been on a list of celebrities you should take relationship advice from. He gave dirtbags everywhere hope that they too could one day marry America’s sweetheart. What a difference a year makes! Now he’s engaged to America’s Petri dish. So unless you wanna know how to pull off the most massive downgrade in the history of TMZ… yeah, no one does.
Selena Gomez
Do you really wanna take advice from someone whose love immunity is so weak, they caught Bieber Fever? I wouldn’t even go near her if she could offer up some great dating pointers. Catching that fever is like catching the Ebola virus, only instead of instant death, you’ll die of embarrassment in ten years when someone you respect, finds the baggie of his hair you bought for $40,000.00 on Ebay.
The Bachelor-Brad Womack
Brad is famously allergic to commitment, so I hope no one would ever consider him a romance role model. And really, you should never watch any season of this show in hopes of learning something about relationships. You watch The Bachelor because you can get really drunk if you take a shot every time someone says 'rose’ ‘connection’ or ‘amazing’. It’s also fun to laugh at semi attractive women foolishly trying to impress the bachelor with their mechanical bull riding skills, on a western-themed group date.
Evan Rachel Wood
She’d give horrible advice on finding your life partner, but could write a book on how to find a guy that will seriously piss your parents off. Hopefully she also writes the follow-up self-help guide, No One Wants to Date the Antichrist’s Ex.
Britney Spears
Britney pretty much only dates her employees, so unless you have a manager, bodyguard or a d-bag dancer with illegitimate kids on your payroll, she can’t help you. But that doesn’t mean you can’t learn something from Ms. Spears. She can totally school you when it comes to cooking with Cheetos! And she’s an expert in getting those pesky dirt footprints off of your flip flops.
Flavor Flav
If you’re interested in having a girlfriend that no one else would touch, even if they were slathered in Valtrex, Flavor Flav is your go-to-guy. What no takers? No one in their right mind would watch Flavor of Love for hints on finding your honey! You watch it for the same reasons you watch The Bachelor, only the drinking game involves someone saying ‘B**tch tried to rip my weave off’ and you’re laughing at girls trying to impress Flavor by crapping on the floor.
Chris Brown
Who would ever think of going to Chris Brown for relationship advice!?! What, is O.J. busy?
Who are some celebrities you would never take relationship advice from? Let us know in the comments!
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