I’m a fairly small man, 5’9, 145lbs, who has a strange fascination with strong, Amazonian women. It probably dates back to middle school when I lost my first (and last) wrestling match to a 9th grade girl who completely humiliated me. Granted, my concentration was a little off considering I was a 13 year old boy who had never touched a girl before, let alone wrestled one. Here is a short list of hot ladies who can bully me anytime they like...
1) Gina Carano
Gina is a professional Mixed Martial Arts fighter with a 7-1 lifetime record. This girl is gorgeous, and like so many attractive athletes, her performance has regressed with all of the extra attention. Call it the Kournikova-Beckham syndrome, Gina has only fought once in a year (a loss) and she has not been able to make weight. Oh well, we really don’t want her to get punched in the face anymore anyway; I think it’s high time we see her in a movie alongside Jason Statham.
2) Beyonce
I’m not really sure if she is in fact sexy or not. One minute I’m attracted, the next minute I’m scared. Do you recall that 007 movie where the femme fatale kills spies by crushing them between her thighs? I feel like Beyonce can do that. She confuses my man parts.
3) Serena Williams
She is the best tennis player in the world, and the meanest woman in sports. She has amazing legs and is not afraid to show them off with some of the most controversial outfits in the game. When you watch her matches, make sure the TV is on mute…her grunting gets a little intense and is a bit of a turn-off.
4) Ke$ha
I’m not sure if she can beat me up or not, but she seems like the type of girl who would sure as hell try. Anyone who brushes their teeth with a bottle of Jack seems like they would be fun for a couple of hours, however most of the night would probably be spent trying to find their purse and coaxing her out of the bushes. I’m starting to notice a trend of pop stars with only one name being scary divas…thanks for setting the trend Cher.
5) Laila Ali
Muhammad Ali’s daughter is a model, mother, and undefeated professional boxer. You have to give her father a little bit of credit as well, granted he may be the best coach someone can have, however he must have been a bit conflicted trying to teach his own daughter how to throw a right cross. Laila recently retired from boxing after she married NFL wide-receiver Curtis Conway, who fathered two of her children. Something tells me those kids are already a lock to be first round draft picks.
6) Michelle Obama
Regardless of your political viewpoints, you have to admire any first lady who can dominate you in an arm-wrestling match. Those arms…just look at those arms! I’m a grown man and I can’t get arms like that. I tried to rack my brain and think of another First Lady who could stand a chance against Michelle, and I realized, heck, most Presidents couldn’t hang with her. Maybe Lincoln or Garfield, or McKinley….McKinley was no joke.
7) Michelle Rodriguez
Michelle has been in various chick flicks such as Girlfight, Resident Evil, Machete, S.W.A.T., and The Fast and the Furious. Although small in stature, 5’5, she has done more combat training for roles than I have done in my entire life. That dead-eyed gaze of hers can intimidate and hypnotize. Smile Michelle, you are beautiful!
8) Pink
Surprise! Another tough pop star with only one name makes the list. You know anybody who gets their name from a ‘Reservoir Dogs’ character and proposes to their future husband at the X-games is hardcore, yet she is a classically trained musician and proponent of animal rights. How mysterious you are my dear! And that sultry, gravel-ish voice drives the boys crazy.
9) Chyna
My dearest Chyna, you are the light of my life. If I could just spend a day with you, take you out to dinner, maybe you could give me a piggy-back ride, we could go out for ice cream and then maybe you can get me in a sleeper hold. A boy can dream, can’t he?
10) JWoww
JWoww’s situation is unique because unlike most of the women on this list, I know for a fact this girl can beat me up. We have all seen Jersey Shore and we know the damage that she can inflict. Don’t interfere with her GTL unless you are ready for war. Well there you have it, a short list of some of my dream women.
If you think I overlooked somebody, let me know. I wanted to include my high-school shop teacher on here, however not too many people know about her. It’s a shame, she’s tough as nails.
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