Hey pop artists. How is it going? You look great as always. Even Ke$ha!
On second thought...
Can we talk for a second? I have a suggestion. STOP PUTTING F**K IN THE TITLE OF ALL YOUR SONGS. (Hip Hop artists, this isn’t directed to you. You are great at rapping about how you are going to “F**K that **** in her **** till the ****’s all over the ****! Holla!” Don’t ever stop doing that.) I say this not because I have a problem with the word, since I love the word and hope to one day experience it. I’m saying it because the word isn’t allowed on radio, and you know that, and you keep on trying to sneak it on there. It’s not going to work, ok? Let’s take a look at a few songs that are currently in the top 10 on the Billboard hot 100 chart.
F**K You – Cee-Lo Green
I’m not gonna lie. I love this song and I think Cee-lo is enormously talented. In fact, I think he’s talented enough that he can write music with heavy profanity. I mean, the f-bomb is a majority of the title itself. The song is just three letters away from just being F**k.
Also, hearing “forget you” on the radio is just sad.
F**in’ Perfect – Pink
Strangely enough, this song is NOT about someone who is perfectly having sex. Like, they are making NO mistakes, and are in the (sexy parts) zone. No, it’s a heartfelt love song about believing in yourself, which is why it’s a little weird when f**k finds it’s way into the chorus.
There isn’t even other profanity in the song. It’s just the chorus and the title. It’s like if you had a Dora the Explorer episode where Boots was a walking pair of naked boobs.
The message and lesson would be the same, but suddenly parts of it would be blurred out and inappropriate.
Tonight I’m Loving You - Enrique Iglasias
This is listed as “loving” for radio purposes, but we know the real name of this song. And frankly, it’s creepy as hell. The title it’s even a suggestive pickup line - in fact it's pretty rapey. If some dude comes up to you, and says “tonight I’m f***ing you!,” MACE THAT DOUCHENOZLE IN HIS DOUCHE FACE.
Normally I’d advise Enrique Iglesias to try harder next time, but he kind of sucks, so I’m just going to request that he just stop.
So music artists, please share this with your friends and colleagues (especially Gaga). Together, we can have songs on the radio without large portions of the chorus beeped out. Or, better yet, take the Smosh approach, and just start using FIRETRUCK. That works too!
Sincerely,
Everyone.
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