It is a scientifically proven fact that you will accept the friendship of someone on Facebook that you wouldn’t spend 2 seconds with face to face. We all do it! You accept them in order to look like a good person and then you hide them from your wall forever. You can hide them, but unfortunately you can’t hide from them. And the drama of unfriending someone can be extremely stressful. Here are some tips on who to ignore if you wanna avoid Facebook Friend Request Fallout.
Elderly Person
They constantly mistake the status update box for the search one. Status updates will include ‘Karen’s photos?’ ‘Nick’s wall?’ and ‘groin pain.’ Sadly most people of a certain age have just missed the tech boat. I mean for God’s sake, at Christmas my dear old gramps held my new iPad to his ear and said he didn’t know why anyone would want a phone that big! It’s actually more cruel to encourage their participation. And for those of you who might feel guilty ignoring their request, I’m sure they would love to have you come over for a weekly game of checkers.
The Cougar From Work
At first you might enjoy watching this trainwreck…who would wanna miss out on status update gems like ‘how can you tell if it’s herpes or just a shaving rash? thanks guys!” But like most of her one night stands, you’ll wake up one morning and wonder what the hell she’s doing there. The endless ‘gifts’ of ‘sex on the beach’ shots. The weekly invitations to Taco Tuesday’s at The Bewildered Skank. Besides…even though your standards are WAY higher… it’ll start getting depressing that she gets more action than you.
Your Ex
If friending your ex is the mature thing to do, why does it make everyone who does it act so immature? Trust me…there are only two options here. You will either be stalked or become a stalker. If you need something to obsess about day and night, try Angry Birds.
The New Mom
You can hide the play-by-play labor updates and the disgusting commentary about every known substance to emit from the human body. But they will pounce the moment you mention being tired or having a rough day. If you think you’ve got it bad, try being a mother… the most difficult job in the world. You might be able to get them to un-friend you by saying something like ‘I can’t imagine having a baby at 18! Good thing I use birth control…LOL!’ but that would be mean. Don’t add the LOL.
Your 12-Year-Old Cousin
No one really wants to buy a ticket to boy crazy-town… Bieber fever, Team Edward and um… TILFs. But she’s your cousin, and you give her a chance… until you see status updates like ‘Ignorance is bliss☺’ and ‘Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?' But remember… she still sees everything you do. Good luck explaining to her mom why she joined a group you moderate called ‘It’s always 420 in Philadelphia’.
The Social Butterfly
You try to hide but they Like and LOL everything you do. Your heart grows blacker with every ROFL. Your addiction to hating them is only matched by their addiction to foursquare. Do they ever stop trying to make you feel like an anti-social hermit? In the time it takes you to catch up on three weeks of Jersey Shore, they have checked into 2 restaurants, 3 parties and their apartment complex hot tub. Who knew accepting a friend could make you feel so lonely? I just sigh and ‘check into’ my living room sofa. I am the mayor of Bitter-Town. Thanks friend!
Your Weird Uncle
One day you will be having a light-hearted back and forth with some friends about American Idol, when weird uncle will pop into the fold and rage about how Steven Tyler is a member of the Illuminati and how there’s only one American Idol. His name is Jesus and his salvation’s gonna drop in 2012. You can deflect the crazy with a LMAO only so many times, before people start asking you who your friend with the tin foil hat is. Do you really wanna admit you share a gene pool with a guy who makes the Unabomber look like Mr. Rogers?
What other friend requests should we ignore? Let us know in the comments!
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