It is that time of year again, SPRING BREAK AWWWW YAAAAAAA! But it's a recession and nobody has money to go anywhere. Especially me. I don't let it stop me from having fun though. I might not be hanging out in exotic locals, sipping flowery drinks festooned with tiny umbrellas and little swords, but I still find creative ways to spend my time.
I will now share this dearth of spring break activity trickery with you.
Use the neighbor’s pool
You know that guy next door that spent the days leading up to spring break bragging about his awesome upcoming trip to Cancun while asking you to water his plants while he is gone? You should agree to water his plants as he has an awesome pool that is just begging to be your spring break hangout. Peeing in the pool is optional.
Test drive multiple cars
Most dealerships will let you test drive a car for 24 hours before you make your decision not to buy. I have found that most of the dealerships in my area are owned by the same corporation and after the third car you are pretty much done. They must keep records or something. Make sure to change all of the presets on the radio to Christian rock stations, car guys love that.
Pretend you are in a forest
Not that Forest
I always wanted to go to a South American Rain Forest but could never afford it...
So I just go to the botanical gardens with a bad case of malaria. Same difference.
Time Travel
“What are you doing this week? Going to San Diego, cool. I am traveling back to the 1800’s”! I accomplish this by spinning wool and churning my own butter by candlelight. Ok, so maybe this isn’t everybody’s idea of time travel but I am working on the cheap here and have no Flux Capacitor.
Be a superhero for a day
This is probably my most favorite/socially unacceptable spring break activity. It involves massive quantities of green paint and running through my neighborhood tearing at my shirt and yelling “Hulk Smash”!
Warning: This may or may not get you arrested/involuntarily committed.
Troll like a Boss
My last resort is to sit in front of a computer all spring break long. It's not what I WANT to be doing but sometimes due to a lack of funding my options are limited. If this is your only option sit back, get a monitor tan and troll your balls off! My personal favorites are Star Wars and Harry Potter forums. If you are new to trolling I will get you started, go to a Star Wars forum and keep calling the movie Star Trek or you can just ponder why... "if Luke and Leia both had the Force why they didn’t know that they were brother and sister before their space kissing took place." You'll drive them mad!
Hopefully you can use a few of these tips to make a week spent at home feel as if you actually went somewhere.
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