We all know there’s nothing better than a solid romantic movie. Crying rules, am I right fellas? I mean I can’t even read the Wikipedia page for A Walk to Remember with out tearing up. God Shane West you’re so redeemable!
But seriously guys, are we really supposed to sit here and accept that EVERY movie relationship lasts forever? I think not. So I’ve compiled a list of 10 movies couples who will NOT live happily ever after.
10. Knocked Up
SPOILER ALERT – Snape kills Dumbledore. Also, the guy gets the girl. Which is no surprise in this rom-com for men where a chubby stoner grows up to marry a pretty girl. Yay! Life accomplished! They never get along during the entire movie but she decides to be with him forever cause he read the baby books, which apparently contain a secret code, which makes women forgive you for being a crappy person. I just can’t wait for the sequel, Knocked Up 2: Custody Battle.
9. There’s Something About Mary
Yay love! Except that Mary is a huge albatross who brings nothing but trouble. The second they get together Ted is almost shot, with a gun, dead, like totally dead. This to me would be a red flag in a relationship. Plus, Ted already achieved the triumph over his subconscious by reenacting the most embarrassing moment of his life and coming out on top. Also, who wants Brett Favre’s sloppy seconds? Who knows what kind of weird crap he still texts her.
8. Pretty Woman
Awesome, money CAN buy love. I still don’t get this movie. A prostitute falls for a guy with lots of money and that’s romantic? Now, you might be thinking to yourself, “but Dan, she renounces her prostitutedom to get a GED because she’s in love for realsies!” To which I say something like, “girlfriend please! She’s just a less-slutty Kim Kardashian.”
7. The Little Mermaid
Being an underwater princess must be turrable you guys, you can’t marry that handsome guy you’ve known for twenty minutes. Bummer. Oh wait? I can renounce my family and kingdom and entire species and be transformed into a Stepford Wife? Sign me up! I mean come on guys, the dude is a prince, he doesn’t need a mermaid to get tail. HEYOH!
6. Field of Dreams
Your husband is crazy and plays baseball with dead people. He will kill you in your sleep. Wait a second… That’s not a bad idea. Field of Dreams 2 = Scream 5.
5. Arthur (1981)
I don’t know about you guys but I make all my best relationship decisions while I’m intoxicated. Dudley Moore is clearly still depressed at the end of this movie although now he gets to marry Liza Minnelli. Yay… I think that might be the only thing that would make me hate having a bidrillion dollars. And what’s with all the drag queen makeup?
4. Titanic
Dude, get on the floating door! Or any other floating object in the ocean! You can’t just create the most organic bond in the world with someone and then bail at the last minute. And certainly don’t end your relationship with a huge lie. “I’ll never let go” was the “I’m going out for a pack of cigarettes” of 1912.
3. West Side Story
Man that Bernardo guy is a d-bag, right guys? Trying to protect his family and people from enemies who want to do them harm. Hey Maria, remember when we read Romeo and Juliet in English class? That wasn’t a challenge! Kids today… I blame the high-energy dance numbers.
2. Love Actually
I don’t even know where to begin with this one, the guy who memorizes a few words in Portuguese so he can sleep with his maid, or the creepy Huge Grant/Monica Lewinski thing. All of these people are awful, except Emma Thompson, who is the only one who ends up with her heart broken. And why do they open the movie talking about 9-11? Horrible people + 911 references = Tea Party the movie.
1. Grease
High school can be a terrifying time for most kids, especially those just trying to fit in with the popular crowd. But it’s important to remember that you shouldn’t change who you are just to try and get some boy to like you.
Sandy could have gone to Princeton, but then after 29 years she realized she was married to a mechanic who drinks too much and has six kids. Not even John Travolta and a flying car can keep this relationship together.
Can you think of any other movie couples who will not live happily ever after? Tell us!
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