It’s that time of year again, when I move back to my igloo at the tip of the North Pole to spend time with my polar bear, Steve, and to work on my evil spells…happy April Fools’ Day. That was a joke, maybe not a very good one, but these are much, much worse. Here are 10 things that I WISH were bad April Fool's Day jokes!
1. Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan—child sweetheart, teen rebel, post-teen crazy person—is not a joke. She is involved in never-ending scandals, and I anxiously await the day she says, “Hey guys, it was all a big joke, I'm not really an idiot, I was just acting like a douche to fake you out.” I would give that woman an oscar.
2. Glee
This show again. All of my worst nightmares (i.e. musicals, obnoxious actors, and Dreamgirls) are packed into this show. It’s horrible. I wish we were all being punked.
3. M. Night Shyamalan
One of the funniest movies that I’ve seen, “The Happening,” was directed by M. Night. Too bad it wasn’t supposed to be funny.
4. Justin Bieber
Why? What is the attraction? Why is that noise exerted from his mouth so popular? I'm pretty sure he's the longest running April Fool's prank in history.
5. Sex and the City Prequel
Facepalm. I tried watching part of “Sex and the City” the movie when I had no other choice, but I physically couldn’t do it. I went home. Now those broads are too old to even play their own characters so they have to go back in time and cast younger people to play the parts so that they continue making money. Wouldn't it have be great to have woken up this morning to front page news that this was all a joke and they really aren't making another film? You got us guys, we were really scared there for a second.
6. Rebecca Black
I mean April Fool's Day DOES fall on Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday... With the voice of an off-key angel this girl has ravaged our eardrums like Chris Brown would if your hear had asked about his past criminal actions. This fame-from-horribleness thing has gone too far. It’s not even funny anymore, just horribly catchy. I hope that she will come to say that this was all a joke, then no one will laugh anymore.
7. The Kardashians
Another one of those people that I wish would suddenly start speaking in a normal grown up woman's voice and laugh at us for believing that anybody could be that vapid and souless. I mean, I feel like an idiot, I was starting to believe that she really is that horrible of a person... Thank God it was just a joke.
8. Snooki’s book
This one has GOT to be an April Fool's Day joke, there's no way Ms. Potatohead can write. I heard when she hit spellcheck her computer froze up and shut down and she had to start over because she hadn't hit save for 6 months. How in the world did this book get on the NY Times bestseller list? Which one of you dummies bought this book? Admit it!
9. Miley Cyrus bashing Rebecca Black
Excuse me, Miley? You’re nearly as bad as Rebecca Black and you said, “It should be harder to be an artist. You shouldn’t just be able to put a song on YouTube and go on tour.” Oh, okay. We don't all have famous fathers, some of us have to make YouTube videos to get notied. That's when Miley is supposed to jump out of behind a door and say "Surprise ya'll, I'm not really a total d*ck! I was just kiddin' ya'll." Whew.
10. Charlie Sheen
He’s finally almost completely out of the news. Hurrah! But seriously, he’s ridiculous. I can only pray for his kids that he’s just putting on a pretense for the media attention. This has GOT to be a joke! No? I guess not.
What else do you wish was just a joke? Tell us in the comments below!
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