The iPad is a much bigger technological shift than you realize. Yes yes, it allows for paperless textbooks which will revolutionize education and fundamentally change the way we interact with media, but far and away the iPad's biggest innovation is that it can help make you AWESOME. Here's how:
1. Google Information To Appear Intelligent In Conversations
You become a walking Wikipedia when you're armed with your iPad. Don't be surprised if the people in your life find themselves WANTING to converse with you! Speaking of conversations, did you know the world record for longest conversation was held by... um, wait. Hold on. I know this... it's just... Is there even wireless in here?
2. Keep All Your Appointments In One Place
Using your iPad to sync all your calendars will guarantee you're punctual for every meeting. And people absolutely believe punctuality is cool. They'll be all "Oh hey! You're right on time! Not like Kevin. He's late. As usual." Then again, it's not hard to be cooler than Kevin. That guy's life has really fallen apart ever since he continued to not have an iPad.
3. Trick People Into Thinking you're Attractive
You can use your iPad to get an oversized photo of a really attractive person and put it in front of your own face! Sure, other iPad users will be hip to this trick, as they're using it themselves, but non-iPad owners will have no idea.
4. Create A Soundtrack For Your Life
You can create a custom soundtrack to convey any mood with your iTunes library so close. Your life appears more cinematic and interesting if, during peak emotional times (breakups, funerals), sad pop songs start playing like the end of an episode of Friday Night Lights.
5. Watch YouTube All The Time
Nothing is cooler than being disinterested in whatever is going on around you. Just ask James Dean. The man made a career out of casual disinterest. Display that sweet sense of detachment by watching videos of babies talking to each other while your parents try to help you with your algebra or your doctor explains the gravity of your test results.
6. Cover The Back In Stickers
The crowd around you will most often be looking at the back of your iPad, so appear confident in your tastes by displaying some stickers! Good sticker ideas include a skateboard company logo or Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes peeing on something.
7. Learn Guitar On The Go
Use Apple's Facetime app to have a video conference with a guitar teacher and learn on the spot! Impress your friends at parties with your mad, um, chops. Is "chops" a guitar thing? I'm not sure. I've only had one lesson, and it's possible that my teacher was not so much a teacher as he was a penis on Chat Roulette.
8. Shoot Lasers To Defeat Your Enemies
Try obliterating your passive-aggressive boss and becoming king of the office with the built-in laser gun functionality of the iPad 2. Wait, that's not a thing? So what, we've got to wait for the iPad 3? Leave it to Apple to leave out even the most basic of features.
How have you used the iPad to improve your social standing? Share some tips in the comments so that the rest of us can be cool like you!
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