Between school, work, chores, traffic, and the wretched never-ending time suck known as "friends", it turns out today's fast-paced, workaday world is nowhere NEAR as enticing as the world of video games. Oh, to live in one of THOSE worlds! Presented here, now, are some of the best video game worlds to live in.
1. Zelda
Life would be more exciting if you could swing a giant sword around, chop up your neighbors lawn, and be rewarded with money and bombs instead of costly personal property damage fines.
2. Resident Evil
In the Resident Evil-verse, everyone designs their complexes like Umbrella. Getting around is more complicated, yes, but also more rewarding. You'd need to find a wolf medal, eagle medal, drop them into the fountain at the same time to empty the water and reveal the steps, find the shield crest, switch it for the sword crest, and insert the red jewel that you probably forgot about way back in your box from the beginning of the game just to go to the bathroom at work. That said, NEVER BEFORE HAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AT WORK FELT LIKE SUCH A VICTORY.
3. Portal
You know when your alarm goes off in the morning and you roll over and just furiously slap your bedside table where your alarm clock usually is but then you remember you put it all the way across the room so you would be forced to get out of bed in the morning to shut it off? Yeah, in the Portal universe you could just portal over there. Problem of your own design solved.
4. Gears of War
Everything is so manly in the Gears of War universe. There's no GLEE or SALADS or EYELASHES in the Gears of War universe. Just BUGS THAT NEED TO BE CHAINSAWED.
5. Red Faction
Red Faction is one of the few games where walls are destroyed when they're shot with missiles. So in the Red Faction universe you can go anywhere you want, so long as you have a missile launcher. WAIT. WE DO LIVE IN THE RED FACTION UNIVERSE!
6. Smash Bros.
Instead of having a health bar like most fighting games, Smash Bros. increases your numerical percentage whenever you get hurt. This would be so handy to tell how confusing emotional events are affecting you. An example conversation:
"Hey Mark, remember that girl you used to date? Jessica?" (0%)
"Um. Yeah." (15%)
"We've been hanging out lately and I wanted to see if you were cool with me asking her out." (0%)
"Yeah. Yeah, that's totally cool." (95%)
7. Star Fox
In our world, you have to get a pilot's license, rent a plane, apply aileron input, control roll rate, and keep the nose 45 degrees off the reference point on the horizon to do a barrel roll. In the Star Fox world, Z or R twice.
8. Resistance: Fall of Man
In the Resistance universe, the entirety of mankind bands together to defeat an invading alien race during World War II. Imagine a world where instead of committing atrocities on each other, human beings unite around a common cause and work to make the world a better place. What's that? You weren't expecting this list to get serious and talk about world peace? You just wanted to read about living in a world with real-life blue shells and hadoukens, didn't you? You selfish pr*ck.
9. Street Fighter
Real-life hadoukens would be pretty cool though.
What video game worlds would you like to live in?
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