So while Obama was busying tracking down the worlds most infamous terrorist, people like Donal Trump (who clearly have way too much time on their hands) were making a big deal about a birth certificate. Well, he found the birth certificate. Then, days later, Obama and the US Military produced the death of the world's most famous terrorist, Osama bin Laden. Good work!
Clearly, Obama is on a roll, so here are a few other things I want him to find next:
1. A (Live) Bald Eagle
Let’s see if he can use that athletic prowess to find, then to catch a full-grown bald eagle. We’ll need to see it flap its wings, just to make sure he didn’t cheat. No stealing from aviaries, either. We’re talking wild endangered bird. Then he can tame it and wear it on his shoulder like a badass patriotic pirate.
2. My keys
I have a job interview, and there is no way I'm taking the bus. I need this done by 3:30 TODAY.
3. Carmen Sandiego
A mysterious international criminal hunted the world over? Let's make a twofer, Barack.
4. A Squirtle
The US government has scientists, right? What are they working on? Probably something stupid. Instead, get them making a squirtle. This would lock up the youth vote for a decade. Get on it Obama!
5. Donald Trump’s long-form certificate of live hair
There is NO way that hair was born in the US. Looks Malaysian!
6. A tape of his serenade of “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin” with Biden
Remember that scene from “Top Gun”? Obama can be Maverick and Biden can be Goose. Then watch as Fox News construes this to be some kind of degradation of the U.S. Navy.
7. An end to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan
Oh, wait. When did this get serious? I'm just saying that would be nice.
So what do you think, bro-hams? What else would you want to see Obama do?
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