Have you ever wondered if your life was a movie? Of course you have, because people are ultimately narcissistic and believe their boring, trivial lives are interesting. But that doesn't mean it isn't true. OF COURSE your life is a movie. But what genre is this meta-film starring and singularly featuring you? Read on to find out, you narcissist.
1. Comedy
Do you have a friendship that nobody, not even yourself, can understand? "Why would someone so straight laced be friends with someone so wacky?" everyone asks. Sometimes the only answer is that your life is a comedy. Those movies function ONLY with opposing characters. If this describes your friendship, you must immediately end it so that one of you can get to the growing and changing you must do to save said friendship. Otherwise your movie (life) is just floundering. This advice comes from both top film studio executives and therapists.
2. Action Movie
Do you find yourself swerving out of the way of explosions during your morning commute? Do you find guns, like, everywhere you go? And especially when you need them to fight terrorists/ Russian spies/ robot Nazis? You might be in an action movie.
3. French New Wave
You can tell if you're in a French New Wave film if a lot of arbitrary and pointless events happen to you without any unifying idea or purpose tying them together. (Most of you are in a French New wave film.)
4. Superhero
Listen, you're not dumb. If you have superpowers, your life is a superhero movie. Obviously. But how do you know if you're in that SUPES boring first act before the hero gets his powers? One indicator is having a creepy friend who stands in the shadows and speaks ominously about the future. Also dead parents. Dead parents are KEY.
5. Spy
If just one time, just ONE time, a friend of yours has ripped off their face revealing it to be a perfect latex copy of someone else's face, your life is a spy movie.
6. Fantasy
Is your life a fantasy movie? Ask yourself this - have there been any legends that have foretold of your coming? There's your answer.
7. Horror
It'll be pretty clear that you're in a horror movie if your friends start showing up dead. But what if you're the FIRST one to die? Consider the possibility that you're just a bit player in someone else's story-- and that is the scariest thing of all. THE SCARIEST THING OF ALL!
8. Road Picture
How many best friends do you have? Don't be surprised when that number is exactly the same as the number of road trips you've taken. Scientifically, the only way people can become best friends is to bond on a road trip. If you have a best friend, your life was therefore, at one point, a road picture.
9. War
Do you have anything worth fighting for? BESIDES a vague love of American freedom. WE ALL HAVE THAT AND WE'RE NOT ALL IN WAR MOVIES. You need something SPECIFIC to fight for, like the love of that special gal or a corner store that makes really awesome milkshakes.
10. Mystery
Is it hard for you to ride trains due to all the murder? This doesn't necessarily mean your life is a mystery, as people are statistically most likely to be murdered on trains. But if you reason out that the killer MUST BE ON BOARD-- in fact, must be WITHIN THIS VERY ROOM-- then, well, I suppose you've already figured it out, haven't you?
Of course, a human life is too beautifully unpredictable to ever fit neatly into one singular genre. That said, what singular genre does your life fit neatly into?
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