So you didn't get into your first choice school. AND you didn't get into your safety school either. In fact, you didn't get into ANY college. Well, maybe you could consider one of these? Real college is overrated anyway...
1. Stripper University
Stripper University wouldn't be so bad if the teacher would turn down the thumping music during lectures. Also keep her clothes on during lectures. Also do the exact opposite of everything she does during lectures.
2. Hamburger University
When your parents send you off to college, they're full of hope for your bright future as an orthodontist or cardiologist. They are willing to pay thousands of dollars to KEEP YOU FROM BEING A FRY COOK. Here at Hamburger University you have to pay TO BECOME a fry cook. That's what we like to call inverse Hannah Montana-- the worst of both worlds.
3. Bartending University
Learning to pour drinks for jerks is bad, I'll grant you, but what's REALLY soul crushing about Bartending University is the required course in forever giving up on your dreams.
4. Nascar Technical Institute
Yes, the classes at Nascar Technical Institute will teach you how to be a roadside assistant, but the dress code is kind of rough-- whatever shirt you have on minus sleeves and sweatpants with zebra stripes on them. But hey, at least you get all the beer you can drink! You also get all the beer you MUST drink.
5. American Institute of Taxidermy
Learning how to stuff dead animals is frightening all on its' own-- it doesn't help that you have to bring in your own pets for the final exam.
6. Phoenix University
In this online-only university, class debates are held over IRC and are about whether the X-Box 360 is better than the PS3 and your papers are graded on a scale of "this" to "u mad bro?"
7. The Casino College
After you've paid your tuition to the Casino College, there's only a 1:14 chance you'll be allowed into class. If you get in, you're on your way to a successful career as a blackjack dealer. If not, it becomes an important lesson in known' when to fold 'em.
8. Cornell University
Truly, the place for those who gave up every weekend in high school to get a 4.0 GPA and were still rejected from Harvard. This is the bottom of the barrel of the Ivy Leagues, which is a lot like dating the ugliest pretty girl. "If all else fails, there's always Cornell" is their actual motto.
How do you see your college stacking up to these? Better? Worse? Much much much worse? Let us know in the comments!
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