Summer isn’t just a time for working on your tan and showing off your toned beach body. It’s also a time to go to county fairs, where you can peruse farm animals in the hot sun while enjoying the smells of steamy animal dung and deep-fried horror shows. Here’s a little sampler of some of the worst things you can expect to see this summer when you hit the fairway. Don’t forget to wear your summer-weight pajama jeans and XXXL T-shirt.
10. Fried Kool-Aid Balls
I’m pretty sure that in all the fantasizing I do about new and wondrous food inventions (I thought I had invented chocolate covered potato chips years ago!) I never once have dreamed of biting into hot and succulent fruit punch flavored fried balls. Okay now I just went down a real bad thought path involving the Kool-Aid mascot having errrr…balls. Oh yeeeeah!
9. Fried Poptarts
I love Poptarts and I love Fruity Pebbles. But together? And fried? If Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are the French Riviera of ‘two great tastes, that taste great together’ then this is the Jersey Shore. Only less artificial.
8. Deep-Fried Butter
Have you ever thought to yourself…how can I add even more fat to something that is already 100% fat? Yeah, me neither. Buttery deliciousness has never sounded so un-delicious.
7. Fried Coke
Okay…so we’re frying our beverages now? This just screams giving up on life. This is beyond excessive. This is the Coke an obese Tony Montana would plunge his face into and inhale. I smell a Scarface sequel here! Get on it Hollywood!
6. Fried Chicken On A Krispy Kreme Donut
I ain’t gonna lie. I went to a county fair once JUST because I had to try this sandwich. Then I stupidly filled up on an appetizer of deep fried smores while I watched a pig race and didn’t have room for dinner. Sadly, watching pigs waddle around a track was not enough to curb my appetite.
5. Battered Jelly Belly Jelly Beans
They got the jelly belly part right…but this treat is WRONG! Fried things should be gooey and creamy and chocolate-y. Not red dye #4-y.
4. Fried Cadbury Creme Eggs
This is like drawing a moustache on the Mona Lisa. Don’t mess with perfection, people! I would, however, probably have to try one…just to be polite!
3. French Fry Coated Hot Dog
Seriously? Are you so fat and lazy that even lifting a fry is too much exercise? That being said…I would be all over this if it was a fry-covered IN-N-OUT burger! Now that’s what I call animal style!
2. Fried Beer
Do we really need to encourage more beer consumption at the county fair? Besides, I go to the fair for fun times, not to be reminded of my sad, sad, childhood the minute I get a whiff of the fried food/cheap beer combo. Long story short…Worst. Stepfather. EVER! Come to think of it, maybe the fair isn’t the best place to go if I wanna forget those days.
1. Deep-Fried Chocolate Bacon On A Stick
You had me at bacon. What can I say? Bacon brings out the Homer Simpson in me.
What's the craziest fried food you've ever tried? Let us know in the comments!
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