Summer is a time for new adventures, new friends and special memories. So yes, throw a little caution to the wind but don’t let summertime turn into bummer time. Because some of those new friends are infected, some of those new adventures can kill you, and some of those special memories will actually be debilitating fire-related injuries. So please…safety first, people! Or at least a close second!
Be On The Look Out For Wild Animals
Don’t ever feed wild animals…you’re just giving them an appetizer before the main meal, i.e. you or your small pets. Also, watch out for those park mascots. Just ‘cause they look like your favorite furry character doesn’t mean they don’t wanna get a little beast-y with you.
Practice Slip 'N Slide Safety
Do you know Slip ‘N Slides are FOR CHILDREN ONLY and have caused paralysis and serious neck injuries in teens and adults? Yeah, I know whatevs…just make sure there are no rocks underneath and absolutely no dry spots. Cause that candy’ll firetruck you up. A little self-censoring.
Don’t Use Gasoline To Light Your BBQ
That goes for turpentine and the 150-proof moonshine your Pee Paw makes as well. And I don’t care how cool it looks…don’t throw M-80’s in as kindling. My cousin’s left arm learned that the hard way.
Always Wear A Life Vest
It’ll stop you from drowning but it won’t stop you from looking like a drunken jackass. For that you need a get-a-life vest.
Don’t Act Like An A-hole Around The Campfire
The only white things that should be getting charred on the campfire are marshmallows. Not you, ya dummy frat boy!
Stay Cool And Hydrated
It’s essential to drink a lot of H2O in the heat of the summer. Even if you are just kickin’ it on the beach every day. And if you’re 21 it’s important to remember that alcohol does not count as water. Also, always bring an extension cord and AC unit with you wherever you go. They won’t be laughing at you while they sweat their balls off in their tents of death!
Always Practice The Buddy System When Diving
And don’t bring a buddy who thinks it’s more important to get some footage for Discovery Channel’s Shark Week than to warn you that a great white’s about to go Jaws on your butt.
Get A Tetanus Shot
Hey, this summer you’re gonna be in a lot of weird places, barefoot and wearing next to nothing. And you might actually be in these weird places with people of questionable pedigree…I mean look at this hillbilly hot tub party. Better get a rabies booster as well. And you might as well slather yourself in Valtrex salve just to be extra, extra safe.
Wear Protective Gear When Playing Frisbee
The only thing that looks worse than wearing a protective mask…is a bloody broken nose. Better to just not play at all. Then I don’t have to look like the lazy lump I am while you’re being all athletic or whatever Frisbee throwing is.
Don’t Get Any Bargain Surgeries Abroad
Hey… you’ve only got one wiener and trust me you’re gonna want it your whole life long. There’s one souvenir you don’t pick up in a foreign country and that’s an antibiotic-resistant staph infection. I’m not saying it can’t happen in the U.S., but at least in America your family can sue for wrongful death!
Do you have any summer safety tips to share? Are they based on personal experience? Let us know in the comments!
Comments
Post a Comment