Parents be crazy, am I right guys? Is this on? Are we drinking? I’ve been thinking about parents a lot lately ever since Precious appeared on Netflix watch instantly, and I gotta tell ya, that Mo’Nique is a turrable mom. (I still haven’t actually watched the movie cause I’m terrified of it, and so long as they keep streaming old episodes of Rocko’s Modern Life, Precious will continue to gather dust in my Instant Queue). But it all got me thinking, was Mrs. Precious really the WORST movie parent? Cause I’m pretty sure I can think of the absolute 10 worst movie parents…
10. The Witwicky’s – Transformers
Hey, here’s an idea, don’t let your son run off with a talking car to try and save Meghan FoXXX from an alien species hell-bent on destroying the planet. Actually, you can simply start by not letting your son anywhere near Meghan FoXXX who I’m pretty sure is a succubus. While it’s clear they worry about their son, rule number 1 of parenting is “keep the kid alive.”
9. George McFly – Back to the Future
If he just stood up to Biff in the first place his son never would have had to try and find a positive male role model in the form of a crazy scientist who bus plutonium from terrorists. Teaching your kids to be assertive is a smart move. Teaching your kids to travel back in time to flirt with their mother, not so much.
8. Mr. and Mrs. Murphy – Jurassic Park
The parents of Lex and Tim, these unseen adults clearly raised bright children. They themselves however…not so smart. I’m feeling like you’re NOT supposed to send your kids off to an island where Uncle Frankensteinberg is constructing the resurrection of the most dangerous anything ever. But that’s just me.
7. Mr. Levenstein – American Pie
I was raised Catholic and even I wasn’t as embarrassed about self-love as much as Jason Biggs was in this movie. Parents have a way of adding insult to injury. And Mr. Levenstein managed to add insult to insult to insult to injury.
6. Daniel Hillard – Mrs. Doubtfire
Robin Williams goes undercover as a nanny, who has to be British for some reason? To try and bond with his recently estranged children. Fine. But don’t try and act like that’s anything other than a crazy dad making things worse. You know what would have worked better? NOT dressing up like a woman and confusing your kids about sexuality; and instead, paying more attention in the first place like a normal person.
5. Mr. and Mrs. Douglas – 3 Ninjas
“Mom, can we go stay with crazy grandpa who thinks he’s a ninja and is totally Asian even though you and dad are white…like really white…like Connecticut and John Mayer white?”
Mom – “Huh? Yeah fine whatever.” (she takes a swing of Trader Joe’s White wine and turns up the volume on her Lifetime movie).
They were just the worst you guys. But at least they gave us Tum Tum.
4. Russell’s Parents – Up
This one breaks my heart you guys. Every time I watch this movie I become mayor of Cry City on Foursquare. It was amazing, and watching this kid try to bond with a bitter old man just to have some paternal guidance was awful. Damnit Disney…
3. Peter Banning – Hook
I know we already had a Robin Williams movie in this list, but he is the worst and his movies are like paper cuts for the brain. Hook was great, but let’s be honest, how horrible of a dad do you have to be for CAPTAIN HOOK to seem more appealing? Okay, a baseball diamond on a pirate ship does sound AMAZING. Like best birthday party ever amazing, but still, it’s Captain Hook. He’s like the Rush Limbaugh of Neverland.
2. Anakin Skywalker – Star Wars
I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to cut off your son’s hand and try and turn him to the dark side. But then again, I don’t have kids. Although I did have a pet turtle named Sparky once when I was 11. And you know what I didn’t do? I didn’t cut off his turtle hand and try to turn him to the dark side.
1. Dr. Hesse - Junior
Schwarzenegger proves to be THE worst parent in the world.
Kid - “Mom-dad? Where do babies come from?”
Schwarzenegger – “Well son the bebe comes froma the science experiment wherea the fassia putsa the bebe in his stomach for a time and da bebe comes out and they’re a family!”
Kid – “…”
Schwarzenegger – “And also the maid.”
So remember guys, no matter how bad your parents seem, at least they’re not Arnold Schwarzenegger. In fact, you should thank them for that. And put their response in the comments section below. What other movie parents are the worst? Let me know what's on your mind and I’ll tweet the best comments!
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