The new X-Men movie is out! If you live in LA, you know this because you've seen the very stupid sky-written X symbols being painted in clouds up in the sky all weekend long.
I for one have no plans on seeing this movie, nor do I even know what this latest installment is even about. So, in the spirit of putting a damper on all X-citement, here are the 7 X-Men characters with the dumbest powers.
1. Slipstream
This guy is able to teleport‚ which is pretty cool‚ except there's a catch. He can teleport only when there happens to be one of his magical waves flowing nearby. Oh, and a tiny metal surfboard.
2. Domino
Her magical power is good luck. If I wanted good luck, I would get Chinese cookies or eat a leprechaun.
3. Dust
Dust, appropriately, turns into a sandstorm. That's just obnoxious. I mean, who is gonna clean up all this sand? And what if you're under water? Can't make a sand storm at the bottom of the sea. Or can you? When you come back together after you're a sandstorm, do you have like debris and bugs and stuff in your liver? HOW DOES THIS WORK?
4. Longneck
First off, couldn't they have thought of a more creative name? Yes, this superpower is an extendable neck... and what good is that? Was he part of some freak show in Venice Beach? Peeping into girl's windows? I'd hate to sit behind this guy while I was trying to watch the new X-men movie.
5. Wither
Wither decomposes matter, like a fungus. No super-person should be in the same category as shiitake mushrooms. Ever.
6. Dryad
This fool is elf-like, and‚ hold your breath‚ can manipulate plants. "Drop your weapon, or I'll make that ficus grow at a rate that will blow your mind... apart, into tiny pieces." If her plants can't at least do that, she better hang out with some other X-men with some more useful powers.
7. Flubber
Seriously guys? Flubber? Are you people kidding me? You do know that Flubber is also the name of a horrible Robin Williams movie, right? That's the best you guys could come up with? Aren't you people paid to be creative?
Hey, remember when Robin Williams was funny? No? That's because he hasn't been funny since long before you were even born.
What are other dumb X-Men characters? I'll bet you can come up with better X-men in the comments below... let's hear it! I want to hear your best new X-men character ideas.
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