Summer vacation is a time to explore new places and learn about new countries. But you don't want to go to a universally reviled hell hole and learn a bunch of crappy horrible things. With that in mind these are some of the places you should absolutely keep off your list of where to visit this summer.
South Africa
Some countries hold records like "most charitable donations," "most food aid distributed," or "prettiest smiles," South Africa's most well known record is "Highest Intentional Murder Rates." The only good thing about being the country with that record is at least you know if you get murdered there it won't have been an accident.
Palau
On the flipside of South Africa is Palau, the country with the lowest intentional murder rate. Booo-ring! Step it up Palau! If you're on a date with someone you want at least a little bit of a sense of danger, and the same is true of vacations. I'm not gonna go to some boring place where I could spend all night getting in strange unlicensed taxis and never once get even a little murdered.
Sea Land
This abandoned WWII era sea-fort off the British coast has one dude on it, and he claims it is a sovereign country. I don't think they have a TGI Friday's or an arcade or ANYTHING.
North Korea
North Korea is a blast. If your idea of a good time is slogging through waist deep snow to erect 24 foot statues of Kim Jong-Il with your bare hands while getting horse whipped for not looking humble enough while you do it.
Tasmania
Never go to Tasmania, as it is ruled by by the slightly terrifying but mostly annoying Tasmanian devil, who will no doubt repeatedly try to cook you in a strew, only to even more repeatedly completely screw it up. Screw it up then b*tch and moan all loud and lame like while you sit around wishing you hadn't booked non-refundable round trip tickets for a week from now.
The United States of America
Have you met these people? Never go here for vacation unless you want a bunch of Fried Chicken eating xenophobes asking you dumb questions like, "So do you have cell phones in your country too? That's so nice for you!" and going on and on about how hard their lives are because they can't figure out whether to buy an iPad now or wait for the next generation of iPad to come out instead.
Spidervania
There are several amazing theme parks, dozens of Zagat rated top-shelf restaurants, and some of the most beautiful white sand beaches. The only thing that keeps this country off the list of best countries to visit is that it is entirely populated by sentient spiders hell-bent on conquering the human world.
Happyonia
Happyonia is the happiest country on Earth! The sun shines on Happyonia 24 hours a day, the bees in Happyonia have ice cream dripping from their stingers, and people solve their arguments by having a dance-off! Everyone on the surface of the country enjoys the highest standards in universal health care coverage, free college education for all, and an average work day of 3.5 hours, including lunch! But under the surface of Happyonia is a giant wheel that needs to be turned for the unlimited power source that allows them to run their nation, and that wheel is turned by a slave race of starved, sightless albinos whose short brutish lives are lived in a foul darkness that would break even the heartiest spirit. All the residents know about the people that are forced to turn the wheel, and the guilt of it is a dark cloud in the heart of every man, woman, and child in Happyonia from which they will never get relief.
Where would you like NOT to visit this summer? Let us know in the comments!
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